Class of 420

A smok­ing syl­labus to be­com­ing the most pro­duc­tive pot­head on cam­pus.

The Coast - - OFF CAMPUS - BY LUCY LAPLANTE

Har­vard

stud­ies sug­gest cannabis en­hances cog­ni­tive func­tion. Ger­man stud­ies con­clude mi­cro-dos­ing weed is an ef­fec­tive ADHD treat­ment. And with Canada’s im­pend­ing mar­i­juana le­gal­iza­tion, the “lazy stoner” stereo­type is wash­ing away, mak­ing room for the high-func­tion­ing user to spark up. Care­fully cho­sen MMJ strains, dosage and smoke meth­ods just might be your path to be­com­ing most pro­duc­tive pot­head on cam­pus.

Pre-class anx­i­ety? Live ev­ery week like it’s shark week with Great White Shark: This stim­u­lat­ing sativa of­fers an en­er­giz­ing high that melts away the anx­i­ety in a room full of tu­to­rial strangers. Great White’s plant par­ents oblit­er­ate de­pres­sion, stress and pain, so you can stay re­laxed yet in­spired while scor­ing full par­tic­i­pa­tion marks. Ren, a sec­ond-year NSCAD stu­dent with a ner­vous tummy, at­tributes her stel­lar grades to this po­tent strain.

“I smoke White Shark from my mini-bong for im­me­di­ate re­lief and proper dosage,” she says. “It’s per­fect be­fore class.”

Un­mo­ti­vated to get through weekly as­sign­ments? Smoke a j of Moby-Dick and be­come a mul­ti­task­ing su­per-scholar. I once reread four en­tire Iliad chap­ters, wrote a pa­per on “the will of fate” in Homer’s po­etry, blasted the best of Dr. Dre and blazed Moby out of my stu­dent slum bed­room win­dow. This cere­bralen­hanc­ing sativa kept me driven and fo­cused. Plus, I had a great time? Writ­ing my pa­per? And got an A?

Like the vary­ing nar­ra­tive styles from this strain’s name­sake, you might crave jump­ing be­tween var­i­ous course work. Make a list of tasks to ac­com­plish and take cel­e­bra­tory puffs as you get them done.

When­ever I’m host­ing friends, meet­ing up for a sesh or putting the pot in potluck, I al­ways roll so­cial but­ter­fly Blue Dream, a sativa-dom­i­nant hy­brid. This pedi­greed strain is well-stocked across town and can mel­low out hard­core tok­ers and ca­sual smok­ers alike, give you the gig­gles, in­spire many mean­ing­ful con­ver­sa­tions and most im­por­tantly take all things “the­sis” off your mind.

If you’ve been wait­ing for some­one to tell you mar­i­juana makes you smarter, you’re wel­come: Cannabid­iol (CBD), cannabis’s non-psy­choac­tive in­gre­di­ent, is so mag­i­cal that high quan­ti­ties can ac­tu­ally re­build brain net­works by cre­at­ing new cells in the Hip­pocam­pus, where short- and long-term mem­o­ries are stored. CBD is be­ing used in treat­ment for peo­ple with brain dam­age or mem­ory loss and can also coun­ter­act mar­i­juana-re­lated mem­ory im­pair­ment. Most dis­pen­saries have pure CBD tinc­tures and cap­sules to take orally, or crys­tal iso­late to sprin­kle on smok­ables, eat or vape! Cannabid­iol also treats anx­i­ety, chronic pain and ADHD. Just imag­ine how easy study­ing could be if your panic at­tacks and lap­top-hunch­ing neck pain dis­si­pated.

And what about that mag­i­cal time, say post mid-terms, when you just want to tran­quil­lize? Noth­ing feels bet­ter than blaz­ing the night away with bowls of heavy Indica strains, best for a full body stone, men­tal and phys­i­cal re­lax­ation and get­ting a sound sleep. My new­est fave is LA Con­fi­den­tial, a gor­geous frosty Cal­i­for­nia clas­sic. Have some bowls of LA in the bath to boost your mood and laugh through The Of­fice one more time. It’s also a great aid for bed­time yoga (or sexy time!) and will have you melt­ing into sleep so pure you’d swear you were a tiny swad­dled baby.

You may feel like I’m en­cour­ag­ing you to be a burn-out, but ar­guably the more dan­ger­ous burn-out stems from as­tro­nom­i­cally high de­mands on most sec­ondary stu­dents: course ex­pec­ta­tions, shady land­lords, bal­anc­ing jobs and a pro­vin­cial gov­ern­ment out for ev­ery last penny they can plun­der with lu­di­crous tu­ition costs. Keep your GPA high, and stay lifted.

SAM HALL

Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

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