Ask Hole goes back to school
How to break your nap addiction, dealing with dead weight in groups and what to do when last night’s make-out partner sits next to you in class.
Deak Ask Hole,
I’m afraid to talk to other human beings but I know absolutely nobody in town. How do I make friends? Easy: 1. Head to a karaoke night. 2. Do a truly rippin’ rendition of “The Boys Are Back In Town.” If it does indeed truly rip, literally everyone will think you’re cool and the night will end with 20 of your new best friends carrying you out of the bar on their shoulders chanting, “Hot butt! Hot butt!” (This will be your new nickname because now everyone also thinks you have a hot butt.)
I’m addicted to napping. Is there any way I can avoid falling asleep in class? I’m a bad person to ask about this because I am also a TA at a university. If you fall asleep in my lecture I will draw a penis on your face with my whiteboard marker. And not a nice penis either. Like, a gross, old man’s penis with a wart on it. Also hairy balls. DO NOT FALL ASLEEP IN CLASS!
My professor hates me and I hate them right back, but I need this credit. What should I do? The best way to get revenge on a prof is actually just to be smart and productive in class. Hand your assignments in on time; give thoughtful answers to their questions; study for your exams; never miss class; use semicolons correctly, but also a little too much. They’ll be SO PISSED. How do I have a social life if I don’t drink? OK, this is about to be the realest advice I’ve