So you think church is bor­ing?

The Compass - - OPINION -

A year ago, I pub­lished in The Com­pass a col­lec­tion of bloop­ers that have ap­peared in church bul­letins hither and yon. I sub­ti­tled my col­umn, “An an­ti­dote for church bore­dom.” The re­sponse was so good, I thought I would re­gale you with a sec­ond col­lec­tion of bloop­ers, for your read­ing plea­sure and per­sonal in­spi­ra­tion.

Bertha Belch, a mis­sion­ary from Africa, will be speak­ing tonight at Cal­vary Me­mo­rial Church in Racine. Come and lis­ten to Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Hymn # 1: “All hail the pow’r of Je­sus’ name! Let an­gels prostates fall.”

The eighth graders will be pre­sent­ing Shake­speare’s Ham­let in the church base­ment Fri­day at 7 p. m. The con­gre­ga­tion is in­vited to at­tend this tragedy.

Please join us as we show our sup­port for Amy and Alan, who are pre­par­ing for the girth of their first child.

Mrs. John­son will be en­ter­ing the hos­pi­tal this week for testes.

Ser­mon Out­line: I. De­lin­eate your fear. II. Dis­own your fear. III. Dis­place your rear.

Next Fri­day, we will be serv­ing hot­gods for lunch.

If you would like to make a do­na­tion, fill out a form, en­close a check and drip in the col­lec­tion bas­ket.

Join us Nov. 12: An evening of bow­el­ing at Lin­coln Coun­try Club.

Women’s Lun­cheon: Each mem­ber bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the med­i­ca­tion.

If you choose to heave dur­ing the Postlude, please do so qui­etly.

We are grate­ful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church build­ing and the

rec­tor.

Hymn 65: “I Love Thee, My Ford.”

Sign-up sheet for any­one wish­ing to be bap­tized in wa­ter on the ta­ble in the foyer.

Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the in­for­ma­tion sheep.

The Ad­vent Re­treat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary’s Cathe­dral.

The District Su­per­in­ten­dent will be meet­ing with the Church Bored.

As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof out­ing.

The Fifth Sin­day of this month is Lent.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wed­ding.

Lent is a pe­riod of pre­par­ing for Holy Weed and Easter.

For the word of God is quick and pow­er­ful... pierc­ing even to the di­vid­ing asun­der of soup and spirit.

Glory to God in the high­est, and

on earth peach to men.

The lovers in the ex­haust fan are not work­ing.

Head Dea­con and Dead Dea­coness.

This evening, there will be a hymn sing at the park. Bring a blan­ket and come pre­pared to sin.

Bar­bara re­mains in the hos­pi­tal and needs ad­di­tional blood trans­fu­sions. She is also hav­ing trou­ble sleep­ing and re­quested tapes of Pas­tor Jack’s ser­mons.

Next Thurs­day, there will be try­outs for the choir; they need all the help they can get.

The ser­mon this morn­ing: “ Je­sus Walks on Wa­ter.” The ser­mon tonight: “ Search­ing for Je­sus.”

The peace­mak­ing meet­ing planned for to­day has been can­celled due to a con­flict.

Ladies: Don’t for­get the rum­mage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keep­ing around the house. Don’t for­get your hus­bands.

Miss Ma­son sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giv­ing ob­vi­ous plea­sure to the con­gre­ga­tion.

The cost for at­tend­ing the Fast­ing and Prayer Con­fer­ence in­cludes meals.

Hymn 61: “An­gels, We Have Heard Get High.”

A song f e st was hel l a t t he Methodist church Wed­nes­day.

Our Holy Redeemer youth bas­ket­ball team is back in ac­tion Wed­nes­day at 8 p. m. in the recre­ation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

The Rec­tor wi l l preach his farewell mes­sage, af­ter which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irv­ing Ben­son and Jessie Carter were mar­ried on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friend­ship that be­gan in their school­days.

I won­der, Might I see you in church on Sun­day, pe­rus­ing the bul­letin?

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