Bed & Break­fast

Ge­orge House is chock-a-block with in­ter­est­ing recipes, some of which re­quire ex­otic in­gre­di­ents. One ap­par­ently re­quires a medium-sized diced ele­phant.

The Compass - - FRONT PAGE - Harold N. Wal­ters gh­wal­ters@per­

TRIN­ITY SOUTH Guests at this bed and break­fast in Dildo leave with a bag of cook­ies for the road. Our book re­viewer takes a look at a new book on Ge­orge House in­side this is­sue.

Page one of Ge­orge House says, “ Wel­come, come on in,” with a black and white pic­ture of a door­knob. Yes, a door­knob, al­beit a rather or­nate one. It re­minds me of the knob on the door to Granny’s par­lour.

Hang on a moment be­fore you turn the knob. There’s some­thing to pon­der in the pre­vi­ous pages, the ones with the Ro­man nu­mer­als.

On page ix Dale Cameron re­calls help­ing his mother with her bak­ing when he was a child. He es­pe­cially re­mem­bers stir­ring bat­ter and scrap­ing out the mix­ing bowl.

Hands up, those of you who fondly re­mem­ber stand­ing by Mommy’s apron strings and lickin’ out the bowl, es­pe­cially if the bowl was slick with the leftover bat­ter of the choco­late cake that was presently bak­ing, the one you were drool­ing to eat.

I’m imag­in­ing a ver­i­ta­ble for­est of wav­ing hands.

Ah, life is good when you can lick out the bowl, id­den it b’ys?

Page xvi prom­ises: “As you leaf through the pages of this cook­book you will have an ad­ven­ture in cook­ing.”

I’ve leafed through the book and I’ve had an ad­ven­ture. Not in cook­ing, since I don’t like to cook. Left alone with­out Mis­sus’s un­ri­valled cook­ing -Yes, I know I’m a for­tu­nate man - I’d live on Kraft Din­ner and Pop Tarts. My ad­ven­ture, so to speak, has been in lickin’ out the bowl.

In­ci­den­tally, Mis­sus had stick­ytabs fas­tened to dozens of pages of Ge­orge House be­fore I had a chance to browse through it, to com­mence my bowl [ bold!] ad­ven­ture, which might help ex­plain the fol­low­ing in­ci­dent.

One morn­ing I scuffed into the kitchen and dis­cov­ered Mis­sus rolling the ba­con. I re­peat, rolling the ba­con. “ What are you at?” I asked. She ex­plained about the Recipe Tip she found be­neath a Ge­orge House break­fast recipe: “ Be­fore open­ing a pack­age of ba­con, roll it. This helps sep­a­rate the slices for easy re­moval of in­di­vid­ual slices.”

Of the dozens of Tips in Ge­orge House, my favourite is on page 151:” Brown gravy in a hurry with a bit of in­stant cof­fee straight from the bit­ter taste ei­ther.”

Ah, cof­fee, that’s your gravy brown­ing.

I ad­ven­tured on. Here and there I found sticky-tabs with this cryp­tic note: H might like. Mis­sus, God love ‘er, al­ways think­ing of me, H-her Honey.

One note in par­tic­u­lar, stuck be­side a recipe for Curried Car­rots said, Sup­per-H might like. The curried car­rots were wicked. Ge­orge House it­self, a Bed and Break­fast in Dildo, Trin­ity South, of­fers an in­no­va­tive treat for its guests when they leave to con­tinue their trav­els. Guests are given a bag of cook­ies for the road.

Some­times, I imag­ine, the treats are Easy Choco­late Chip Cook­ies­page 207.

Now b’ys, bet­ter even than lickin’ out the bowl is eat­ing one of Mis­sus’s home­made choco­late chip cook­ies straight from the freezer. That’s right, frozen. With due re­spect to Ge­orge House’s cook­ies, I doubt they’re as yummy as the ones in our freezer but I wouldn’t hes­i­tate to try a bag­ful if I was leav­ing Ge­orge House.

Again with re­spect-only one recipe in this cook­book gives me the belly quakes: Cold Cu­cum­ber Soup.

But, hey, an ad­ven­ture is not an ad­ven­ture with­out some queasy stom­ach-ness.

Ge­orge House is chock-a-block with in­ter­est­ing recipes, some of which re­quire ex­otic in­gre­di­ents. One ap­par­ently re­quires a medi­um­sized diced ele­phant.

Re­mem­ber the door­knob pic­ture?

A sec­ond pic­ture in Ge­orge House caught my eye. I wish it were in colour. I’m sure it’s a snap of lupines grow­ing above the beach. Lupines, my sec­ond favourite flow­ers on the planet.

It pleased me to see that a guest is quoted as say­ing, “I loved the lupines.”

The fi­nal sec­tion of Ge­orge House is called “Bev­er­ages and Cock­tails” and con­tains recipes for drinks with evoca­tive names such as Nutty Tourist Mar­tini and A Julie Do­ran­tini.

The fi­nal recipe in Ge­orge House, the one with which the pro­pri­etors close the door - the door with the fancy knob? - on their de­part­ing quests, is called Route 80 Bumpy Road.

P’raps it’s in­tended to be a last li­ba­tion, one for the road, kinda; one fi­nal night­cap be­fore guests arise in the morn­ing, break­fast on Baked Hearty Break­fast - page 12 - ac­cept their bags of cook­ies and drive off south­ward on bumpy Route 80.

Thank you for read­ing, for ad­ven­tur­ing with me.

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