Girl feels pres­sure to take nude pho­tos for boyfriend

The Daily Observer - - LIFE - AMY DICK­IN­SON

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I just fin­ished our ju­nior year of high school. We’ve been a cou­ple for al­most six months and are sex­u­ally ac­tive.

He re­cently asked me to let him take nude pho­tos of me.

He is to­tally trust­wor­thy and I know I can count on him to be dis­creet, but I still worry that some­one else will some­how view them.

You hear sto­ries of “re­venge porn,” and I’ve heard from dif­fer­ent fe­male class­mates that their boyfriends shared their private pho­tos with other boys.

I don’t want to be a prude or deny my boyfriend’s de­sire, but I’m ner­vous about be­ing out there “au nat­u­ral.”

Is this pic­ture-tak­ing-thing nor­mal, or not so much? — CAM­ERA SHY Dear Shy: First of all, use birth con­trol. Be­com­ing preg­nant would af­fect your life even more than hav­ing a nude photo shared.

And hav­ing a nude photo shared would af­fect your life in pro­found ways.

Se­condly, if you sub­mit to nude pho­tos, they will def­i­nitely be shared.

Here are pos­si­ble sce­nar­ios: Your BF’s kid brother gets ahold of his phone and ... boom — there you are, on In­sta­gram.

Your BF’s par­ents get mad at him, and in­spect his phone. There you are.

Your BF loses or leaves his phone some­where. You end up wher­ever that phone is — and/or in the “cloud.”

Your “to­tally trust­wor­thy” BF is brag­ging about what a babe you are, and hands his phone (or texts a photo) to a to­tally trust­wor­thy friend of his. Boom — there you are, on Twit­ter.

Your BF gets mad at you, or you two break up. This nude photo is now lever­age that he (or some­one else) can use against you. Think it through. If you and your guy are in a healthy re­la­tion­ship, then why does he need (or even want) a nude photo of you? He’s got the real thing!

Is your boyfriend headed to war and he needs this to com­fort him at the Western Front? No, dude’s got first pe­riod Trig class.

Guys ask for these pho­tos be­cause it is a rite of pas­sage for them. It is so­cial cur­rency for them.

Guys who were trad­ing Pokemon cards in el­e­men­tary school now col­lect these. It does noth­ing but po­ten­tially dam­age you. Fur­ther­more, if your guy is pres­sur­ing you to do this, it is a red flag.

Has he im­plied that you are a “prude” if you don’t do this? If so, he is gam­ing you. Stand up for your­self. Pay at least as much attention to your own de­sires as to his.

You own your body and ac­cess to your body. You own your sex­u­al­ity. If main­tain­ing con­trol over who gets to see your naked body makes you a prude, then let’s get some “Proud 2B Prude” T-shirts made — and own that, too.

Dear Amy: What do you make of a co-worker (and ca­sual friend) who is for­ever find­ing some­thing re­quir­ing her as­sis­tance — with my out­fit, face or hair?

I wouldn’t mind the oc­ca­sional help with tuck­ing in a tag on my blouse, but it makes me feel weird that she’s al­ways find­ing some­thing to pick off my cloth­ing or skin, such as a loose eye­lash on my cheek, or piece of lint or thread on my hair or clothes.

I don’t know what bothers me more, the ac­tual touch­ing or the fact that she’s scru­ti­niz­ing me so closely that she even no­tices these things.

She would be ter­ri­bly hurt if I told her it bothers me, so that is out of the ques­tion.

I just want to un­der­stand what it sig­ni­fies. Is it a sign of ADD, a power play or some­thing else?


Dear Creeped Out: Your friend might have a tic that causes her to do this un­con­sciously.

It could also be a bid for a cer­tain type of friend­ship in­ti­macy, or it might just be a bound­ary-cross­ing habit. Some peo­ple are just ... touchy.

What con­cerns me is your lack of will re­gard­ing a very sim­ple re­quest not to be touched.

What would it take for you to stand up for your­self ?

You could very eas­ily say, “I’m a lit­tle un­com­fort­able be­ing touched; if some­thing is amiss, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”

Dear Amy: My daugh­ter is a stay-at-home mother with an 8-month-old child.

She is a great mother and I am very proud of her.

She and her hus­band al­low their very large dog to “clean up” the high chair or walker after the baby has eaten, by lick­ing it “clean.”

They think it’s cute. I think it is dis­gust­ing.

They do not oth­er­wise clean the items for the next use.

I am by no means a clean freak, but this is gross.

I will not al­low this in my house (they have not yet brought the dog with them).

I voiced my sur­prise and dis­may the first time I wit­nessed this, and just sprayed the items with cleaner after the dog was done. I have not said any­thing else about it. I un­der­stand it is their home and their rules.

Should I just con­tinue to clean up the area after the dog is done, or should I say some­thing else?


Dear Grandma: If this baby is shar­ing its home with a dog, that dog and baby have prob­a­bly been lick­ing each other on the face for sev­eral months.

I don’t think you should worry about this, but you def­i­nitely will, so, in the fu­ture, you could ask your daugh­ter, “Honey, do you mind if I give this a wipe down?” Oth­er­wise, keep your opin­ion to your­self.

Dear Amy: The let­ter from “Dis­tant and Des­per­ate” made me see red. Her mother had ad­vanced can­cer and Dis­tant was twid­dling her thumbs over­seas, judg­ing her mother’s health-care choices from her re­mote perch.

Thank you for urg­ing her to get on a plane.


Dear Mel­low: Yes. Tick tock. Email: askamy@tri­ Twit­ter: @ask­ingamyt

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