STARS AND DOGS

The Globe and Mail (Prairie Edition) - - REPORT ON BUSINESS - JOHN HEINZL

DOW JONES I NDUSTRIAL AVG. PAST FIVE DAYS

DOG Tips for cop­ing with mar­ket sell-offs like the Dow’s more than 1,000-point plunge this week: 1) Re­mind your­self that money can’t buy hap­pi­ness – cloth­ing and food, but not hap­pi­ness; 2) Take a deep breath – and then scream as loud as you can to re­lease all of your fi­nan­cial wor­ries; 3) Re­mem­ber that the mar­ket will even­tu­ally bounce back, even if it falls an­other few thou­sand points, the econ­omy col­lapses and the bank takes your house. DJI, 25,339.99, down 1,107.06 points or 4.2% over week

PAPA JOHN’S I NTER­NA­TIONAL PAST FIVE DAYS

STAR You’ve tried our thin crust, deep crust and cheese-stuffed crust. Now, get ready for Papa John’s money-stuffed pizza crust! With our stock ris­ing on ru­mours that hedge fund Trian is pre­par­ing a takeover bid, we’re “shar­ing the dough” by bak­ing real $5, $10 and $20 bills right into the crust of ev­ery large pizza! Ev­ery bite’s a win­ner! So or­der a money-stuffed pizza to­day and en­joy the “rich” taste of our de­li­cious pies! PZZA ( Nas­daq), US$ 52.91, up US$ 2.56 or 5.1% over week

SNC- LAVALIN PAST FIVE DAYS

DOG Busi­ness quiz! Shares of en­gi­neer­ing and con­struc­tion gi­ant SNC Lavalin sank af­ter the fed­eral govern­ment said it would not al­low a set­tle­ment of charges that: a) SNC ex­ec­u­tives bribed a bouncer to gain ac­cess to a sold­out Tay­lor Swift con­cert in Toronto; b) the com­pany tried to avoid taxes by con­duct­ing off-the­books trans­ac­tions with bit­coin, Cana­dian Tire money and – in one case – a herd of goats; c) SNC al­legedly paid mil­lions of dol­lars in bribes to pub­lic of­fi­cials in Libya be­tween 2001 and 2011 to win govern­ment con­tracts. An­swer: c. SNC ( TSX), $ 45.14, down $ 7.21 or 13.8% over week

PARK­LAND FUEL PAST FIVE DAYS

STAR One day, we’ll all be driv­ing elec­tric cars – and it will be a very sad day in­deed for share­hold­ers of Park­land Fuel. Shares of the fuel dis­trib­u­tor and re­tailer – which op­er­ates Esso, Ul­tra­mar and Pi­o­neer gas sta­tions and On the Run and Marché Ex­press con­ve­nience stores – have nearly dou­bled in the past year thanks to a string of ac­qui­si­tions. The com­pany was at it again this week, ac­quir­ing 75 per cent of SOL Ltd., the largest in­de­pen­dent fuel mar­keter in the Car­ib­bean, for $1.57-bil­lion. In­vestors are fill­ing their tanks with stock. PKI ( TSX), $ 45.94, up $ 3.56 or 8.4% over week

SEARS HOLD­INGS PAST FIVE DAYS

DOG There once was a busi­ness named Sears

That was go­ing straight down­hill for years

Now there’s bank­ruptcy talk And the plum­met­ing stock Is con­firm­ing in­vestors’ worst fears SHLD ( Nas­daq), 41 US cents, down 22 US cents or 34.9% over week

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