Husband’s long hours make married life lonely for wife
DEAR ABBY: I’m 19 and I got married six months ago to the love of my life! We have a great relationship despite how young we are. There’s one problem though: my husband’s job.
His shift is 11 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., six days a week, and when he is not working, he’s sleeping, so he has no time for me at all and it’s killing our marriage. We spend maybe eight hours together a week. I’m feeling extremely alone.
I know it’s not his fault because he has to keep this job to support us, but the very thing that is supporting us is tearing us apart. What do I do? Please help. – LONELY MARRIED WOMAN
DEAR LONELY: With the schedule your husband is working, you should have time in the mornings and evenings to spend with each other – plus Sundays. However, if your days are spent sitting around at home, then what you need to do is find an activity to fill your lonely hours. You could take some classes, find a job and help out with the finances, or meet him for lunch. If that’s not possible, look around for volunteer opportunities in your community. Worthwhile organizations can always use a helping hand.
DEAR ABBY: My best friend from college asked me to be in her wedding, and I was excited and happy to agree. Unfortunately, her wedding falls on the same weekend as my older sister’s. Due to the distance and other family obligations, I won’t be able to attend my sister “Sara’s” wedding. Sara has been understanding about it, but she is upset.
I want to be as helpful as possible with the planning and preparation process as Sara is now down one bridesmaid, but I am unsure how best to do it. Is it proper to still participate in all of the bridal party activities, planning the shower, throwing a bachelorette party, etc., even though I cannot attend the ceremony? Should I try to travel there the weekend before to help with any last-second preparations for the ceremony? – DOUBLE-BOOKED BRIDESMAID
DEAR DOUBLE-BOOKED: I don’t blame Sara for being upset. The relationship between sisters is supposed to last a lifetime. On the other hand, the bonds of friendship can loosen as years pass, and often do.
Frankly, I think you made the wrong choice in deciding which wedding to participate in – and in the interest of family harmony, you should do for your friend what you would like to do for your sister.
DEAR ABBY: I like to wear a suit and tie to a church where most people dress casually. It doesn’t matter to me how others dress, and I have good reasons for my choice in attire. But sometimes I hear seemingly judgmental comments about my clothing. What would be a good reaction and reply to such comments? – JEFF IN FULLERTON, CALIF.
DEAR JEFF: People who make judgmental comments about your attire are not worth the effort. I’d advise against getting into a spitting contest with a viper, because it might mess up your suit.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Good advice for everyone – teens to seniors – is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus cheque or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)