Hus­band’s long hours make mar­ried life lonely for wife

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COMMUNITY/ENTERTAINMENT - Abi­gail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I’m 19 and I got mar­ried six months ago to the love of my life! We have a great re­la­tion­ship de­spite how young we are. There’s one prob­lem though: my hus­band’s job.

His shift is 11 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., six days a week, and when he is not work­ing, he’s sleep­ing, so he has no time for me at all and it’s killing our mar­riage. We spend maybe eight hours to­gether a week. I’m feel­ing ex­tremely alone.

I know it’s not his fault be­cause he has to keep this job to sup­port us, but the very thing that is sup­port­ing us is tear­ing us apart. What do I do? Please help. – LONELY MAR­RIED WOMAN

DEAR LONELY: With the sched­ule your hus­band is work­ing, you should have time in the morn­ings and evenings to spend with each other – plus Sun­days. How­ever, if your days are spent sit­ting around at home, then what you need to do is find an ac­tiv­ity to fill your lonely hours. You could take some classes, find a job and help out with the fi­nances, or meet him for lunch. If that’s not pos­si­ble, look around for vol­un­teer op­por­tu­ni­ties in your com­mu­nity. Worth­while or­ga­ni­za­tions can al­ways use a help­ing hand.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend from col­lege asked me to be in her wed­ding, and I was ex­cited and happy to agree. Un­for­tu­nately, her wed­ding falls on the same week­end as my older sis­ter’s. Due to the dis­tance and other fam­ily obli­ga­tions, I won’t be able to at­tend my sis­ter “Sara’s” wed­ding. Sara has been un­der­stand­ing about it, but she is up­set.

I want to be as help­ful as pos­si­ble with the plan­ning and prepa­ra­tion process as Sara is now down one brides­maid, but I am un­sure how best to do it. Is it proper to still par­tic­i­pate in all of the bridal party ac­tiv­i­ties, plan­ning the shower, throw­ing a bach­e­lorette party, etc., even though I can­not at­tend the cer­e­mony? Should I try to travel there the week­end be­fore to help with any last-sec­ond prepa­ra­tions for the cer­e­mony? – DOU­BLE-BOOKED BRIDES­MAID

DEAR DOU­BLE-BOOKED: I don’t blame Sara for be­ing up­set. The re­la­tion­ship be­tween sis­ters is sup­posed to last a life­time. On the other hand, the bonds of friend­ship can loosen as years pass, and of­ten do.

Frankly, I think you made the wrong choice in de­cid­ing which wed­ding to par­tic­i­pate in – and in the in­ter­est of fam­ily har­mony, you should do for your friend what you would like to do for your sis­ter.

DEAR ABBY: I like to wear a suit and tie to a church where most peo­ple dress ca­su­ally. It doesn’t mat­ter to me how oth­ers dress, and I have good rea­sons for my choice in at­tire. But some­times I hear seem­ingly judg­men­tal com­ments about my cloth­ing. What would be a good re­ac­tion and re­ply to such com­ments? – JEFF IN FULLER­TON, CALIF.

DEAR JEFF: Peo­ple who make judg­men­tal com­ments about your at­tire are not worth the ef­fort. I’d ad­vise against get­ting into a spit­ting con­test with a viper, be­cause it might mess up your suit.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. Good ad­vice for ev­ery­one – teens to se­niors – is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To or­der, send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus cheque or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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