Give up on being second choice
- I've been friends, and privately crushed, on this guy for four years.
He started showing interest so I followed, but he went back to his ex. We acted like nothing had happened.
I dated someone and when we broke up my friend helped me stop crying. He expressed having feelings for me, so I told him of mine.
But I said nothing would happen between us because he was back with his girlfriend. Later, he kissed me and I let him, because I’d waited so long for it.
His response was, “Let’s see what happens now, only time will tell.” To me, that’s just player talk.
Five months later, he's still with her. He calls regularly. I don’t always answer.
We talk and see each other only once or twice a month. I plan to do nothing but by night’s end, I'm all mushy again and let him have a kiss.
I'm starting to feel like I’m a side chick he gets no play (sex) with.
I found out he actually liked me before this but our friends told him I'm a good girl, and he's the bad boy. They didn't want him to break my heart.
I'm ready to give up on this friendship and delusional relationship.
- Whether you call yourself “side chick,” or “backup woman,” it doesn’t change reality: You’re not his first choice, but he’s keeping you in the line-up.
You already know him to be a bad boy and doubt his “player talk.”
End contact. By getting mushy, you allow yourself to slip closer to becoming a friend with “benefits.”
When he can no longer depend on your waiting for him, he might recognize how special you are.
Or, you might realize it sooner, and move on.
FEEDBACK Regarding the young woman whose boyfriend kicked her out when he learned she wouldn’t end her pregnancy ( June 10):
Reader – “All I read from this man is ultimatums: "Me or the child, no counselling if you keep the child," etc.
“My advice to this young lady is clear: This pregnancy saved you from a life of hardship (had you stayed with him). The situation caused him to show you who he really is, when you announced lifechanging news such as a pregnancy.
“Leave this man. He's not right for you and doubtfully for any sane and intelligent woman. Take care of your child and ensure he or she has a solid example for a mother.”