Questioning boyfriend is not likely to change
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Blake,” recently broke up with me — again. He told me in the beginning that he was bi-curious and that he wasn’t sure he was completely heterosexual. When he broke up with me the first time, we stayed friends. Everyone seemed confused that I still wanted to hang out with him.
We started communicating long-distance again last summer. Blake broke it off again a few months later, stating that he is still questioning who he is.
Is it wrong that we’re still friendly? Should I be angrier at Blake? — STILL THERE FOR HIM IN ILLINOIS
DEAR STILL THERE FOR HIM: I don’t see why you should be angry with Blake at all. He has been honest with you from the start that he may be bisexual or gay. I can tell you from experience that gay men make wonderful friends. However, if you are romantic about him, I must caution you against trying to change him because you won’t be able to do it. He is who he is.
I’d like your opinion on something that is creating a rift between me and my sister. My six-year-old daughter, “Mara,” who is very sweet and mature, is used to spending the night away from me because she has been spending weekends with her grandparents since she was little. Now she wants to have overnights with “Uncle Bob,” who is not a blood relative but a good friend who is like family.
I have no concerns about this even though Bob is a bachelor who never had children. Mara loves him, he loves her and I trust him. My sister, who is childless, feels strongly that this is not right. She thinks a sixyearshould only be with her parents and grandparents. She tells me I should ask a psychologist. I am asking you. — TRUSTING MOM IN MISSOURI
DEAR TRUSTING MOM I’d be curious to know what Mara’s father thinks of this. But since you asked me, let me point out that your little girl may be sweet and mature for her age, but at six years old she is also inexperienced, trusting and vulnerable. Because she loves Uncle Bob, I can understand why she might want to stay overnight at his house. In 99 per cent of the cases it would be OK. But in light of what we see in the news, it’s your job as a mother to err on the side of caution, and I don’t recommend it.
My daughter and her husband have successful careers, and I am happy for that. But now it seems that she’s ashamed of us. We gave her the best we could and she graduated from college with no debt, thanks to us. We felt it was our responsibility.
Now that they earn lots of money, it’s like we’re not worthy of their company. I have talked to other mothers, and it seems they are treated the same way. (I would say it’s probably seven out of nine parents.) I know they have busy lives, but I would like some consideration if I am sick or have surgery. Where did I go wrong? — ANONYMOUS MOM IN ALABAMA
DEAR ANONYMOUS MOM: Not knowing you and your friends or their children, it’s hard to say, but if I had to hazard a guess it would be that you gave too much and raised children who grew up with an overinflated sense of entitlement and no sense of gratitude.