Dear Abby

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - HEALTH - PER­FOR­MANCE Abi­gail Van Buren DEAR ABBY: DEAR ABBY: Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 900

Ques­tion­ing boyfriend is not likely to change

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Blake,” re­cently broke up with me — again. He told me in the be­gin­ning that he was bi-cu­ri­ous and that he wasn’t sure he was com­pletely het­ero­sex­ual. When he broke up with me the first time, we stayed friends. Ev­ery­one seemed con­fused that I still wanted to hang out with him.

We started com­mu­ni­cat­ing long-dis­tance again last sum­mer. Blake broke it off again a few months later, stat­ing that he is still ques­tion­ing who he is.

Is it wrong that we’re still friendly? Should I be an­grier at Blake? — STILL THERE FOR HIM IN ILLI­NOIS

DEAR STILL THERE FOR HIM: I don’t see why you should be an­gry with Blake at all. He has been hon­est with you from the start that he may be bi­sex­ual or gay. I can tell you from ex­pe­ri­ence that gay men make won­der­ful friends. How­ever, if you are ro­man­tic about him, I must cau­tion you against try­ing to change him be­cause you won’t be able to do it. He is who he is.

I’d like your opin­ion on some­thing that is cre­at­ing a rift be­tween me and my sis­ter. My six-year-old daugh­ter, “Mara,” who is very sweet and ma­ture, is used to spend­ing the night away from me be­cause she has been spend­ing week­ends with her grand­par­ents since she was lit­tle. Now she wants to have overnights with “Un­cle Bob,” who is not a blood rel­a­tive but a good friend who is like fam­ily.

I have no con­cerns about this even though Bob is a bach­e­lor who never had chil­dren. Mara loves him, he loves her and I trust him. My sis­ter, who is child­less, feels strongly that this is not right. She thinks a sixyearshould only be with her par­ents and grand­par­ents. She tells me I should ask a psy­chol­o­gist. I am ask­ing you. — TRUST­ING MOM IN MIS­SOURI

DEAR TRUST­ING MOM I’d be cu­ri­ous to know what Mara’s fa­ther thinks of this. But since you asked me, let me point out that your lit­tle girl may be sweet and ma­ture for her age, but at six years old she is also in­ex­pe­ri­enced, trust­ing and vul­ner­a­ble. Be­cause she loves Un­cle Bob, I can un­der­stand why she might want to stay overnight at his house. In 99 per cent of the cases it would be OK. But in light of what we see in the news, it’s your job as a mother to err on the side of cau­tion, and I don’t rec­om­mend it.

My daugh­ter and her hus­band have suc­cess­ful ca­reers, and I am happy for that. But now it seems that she’s ashamed of us. We gave her the best we could and she grad­u­ated from col­lege with no debt, thanks to us. We felt it was our re­spon­si­bil­ity.

Now that they earn lots of money, it’s like we’re not wor­thy of their com­pany. I have talked to other moth­ers, and it seems they are treated the same way. (I would say it’s prob­a­bly seven out of nine par­ents.) I know they have busy lives, but I would like some con­sid­er­a­tion if I am sick or have surgery. Where did I go wrong? — ANONY­MOUS MOM IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANONY­MOUS MOM: Not know­ing you and your friends or their chil­dren, it’s hard to say, but if I had to haz­ard a guess it would be that you gave too much and raised chil­dren who grew up with an over­in­flated sense of en­ti­tle­ment and no sense of grat­i­tude.

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