Dear Abby

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - FOOD - Abi­gail Van Buren

Woman who is HIV-pos­i­tive is hid­ing her sta­tus from men.

DEAR ABBY: I moved away from my home­town 18 years ago. At the time, a friend of mine had found out she was HIV-pos­i­tive. Thank­fully, healthwise she’s do­ing well. To look at her you would never know.

We have re­con­nected, but I have re­cently learned that she had sev­eral re­la­tion­ships in the past and didn’t re­veal that she was HIV-pos­i­tive or use pro­tec­tion. She says she “loves” these men, their fam­i­lies and their chil­dren. It makes me sick that she’s killing them.

Some­one called her doc­tor and he talked to her about it, but she lied and said that she had told them. These men have no idea! What can be done so she quits spread­ing this dis­ease? — SHE’S KILLING THEM IN IN­DI­ANA

DEAR S.K.T.: I ran your let­ter by an old and trusted friend, Dr. Mervyn Silverman, for­mer di­rec­tor of health in San Fran­cisco. He asked me to re­as­sure you that if your friend has been un­der treat­ment for HIV, her chances of pass­ing it on are far less than they were years ago. He also men­tioned that if these men’s wives had con­tracted HIV from their hus­bands and be­come preg­nant, that their dis­ease would very likely have been dis­cov­ered.

You need to talk to your friend and ex­plain that this is both a health is­sue and one of moral­ity. If she’s con­tin­u­ing to have un­pro­tected sex with her part­ners, there is still some po­ten­tial risk that she could pass along the virus.

So if she truly loves any­one but her­self, she will get with the pro­gram and be hon­est about her health sta­tus.

DEAR ABBY: I’m a sin­gle mother of two won­der­ful daugh­ters. I have a fan­tas­tic boyfriend, “Roy,” who I met when I was preg­nant with my sec­ond. We have been to­gether for six months and I love him very much.

Un­for­tu­nately, he has be­come mildly con­trol­ling and crit­i­cal. Roy has no chil­dren of his own, and he doesn’t seem to re­al­ize what goes into work­ing, rais­ing chil­dren and run­ning a house­hold.

Re­cently, he gave me a prom­ise ring, which I ac­cepted. He’s great with the girls and he makes me happy.

My fa­ther, how­ever, says that the con­trol­ling be­hav­iour will only get worse down the road. I think it’s be­cause Roy was laid off from work and is hav­ing a hard time find­ing a job. I’m sure once he’s work­ing he’ll be less fo­cused on me. Who’s right, me or my fa­ther? — MOM OF TWO IN RHODE IS­LAND

DEAR MOM OF TWO: When a cou­ple has been to­gether for only six months, they are usu­ally still in what is re­ferred to as the “hon­ey­moon phase.” Has Roy been job­less since you met him? If the lay­off is re­cent, then his change in be­hav­iour may be re­lated to his frus­tra­tion at not be­ing able to find another job.

How­ever, your fa­ther not only has a point, he also has more ex­pe­ri­ence than you do. Pay at­ten­tion to what he’s telling you. If Roy be­comes in­creas­ingly con­trol­ling and crit­i­cal, you’ll know your fa­ther was right, and you should re­turn that prom­ise ring. So take your time and please don’t rush!

DEAR ABBY: I have been a di­vorcee for 12 years. I haven’t dated in more than a decade. I know a man who was wid­owed a cou­ple of months ago. His wife died in her sleep. I have al­ways been in­ter­ested in him. When would it be ap­pro­pri­ate to ap­proach him? — IN­TER­ESTED IN CHICAGO

DEAR IN­TER­ESTED: If I were you, I’d get in line now.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline

Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440,

Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. For ev­ery­thing you need to know about wed­ding plan­ning, or­der “How to Have a

Lovely Wed­ding.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus cheque or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wed­ding Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 610540447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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