Build friendship by listening
- I'm early 30’s and haven’t had a relationship for a long time.
The person I trusted the most cheated on me. Also, three married men whom I trusted have asked me out in the past. I lost hope and trust in guys. However, now I want to meet someone. I asked out two guys I really liked, but got rejected.
Now I have a person whom I really want to be closer with, but what if it ruins our friendship?
I’m unsure if he's too busy at his work or not interested in me. Whenever I ask him to go for a movie or have coffee together, he always agrees.
But he rarely contacts me first. Does that mean I should look elsewhere? I’ve lost the way to approach someone to know each other better. Lost Mind
- He’s already a friend who enjoys your company. So suggest another coffee meeting and this time ask him questions about himself - his interests, his work, music he likes, etc. Take lots of time to listen. This is how you show your genuine interest in him as a person, without pushing yourself at him.
Most people enjoy a good listener and are flattered by others’ interest. He’ll likely ask you questions too, and the friendship can deepen this way.
You’ll soon know whether it can build into a relationship. If not, you’re still friends.
And you’ll have gained experience and self-confidence in later approaching someone else you like.
- My fiancé’s parents charged us $1000 monthly for their kitchen-less basement apartment.
His mother intruded in the night to do laundry. She threw my things in the trash, and drank our alcohol.
When we announced our engagement, she kicked us out in a drunken bender.
Now, my boyfriend’s brother coming to visit, with his family.
The parents have said awful things about his wife. We’ll probably commiserate, enforcing the in-law rift.
I’ve postponed our wedding plans but they’re not budging. Do I forgive them?
- You’re not clear what they’re resisting – you? Or, the marriage? Why?
Meanwhile, his mother’s apparent alcoholism makes for troubled relationships with everyone.
Decide with your fiancé whether you two can manage independently. Ask him if he can handle being estranged, if that happens.