Fi­nances of­ten is­sue for cou­ples

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COFFEE BREAK - El­lie Tesher Ad­vice

- My spouse of three years and I have a child to­gether, al­most age two.

I’ve tried talk­ing to my spouse about his be­hav­iour, but he doesn't feel he’s self­ish in any way. We’re strug­gling fi­nan­cially. When I come in to some ex­tra money I think of things that we need or some­thing that would be nice for us. When he re­ceived a bonus from work, he spent it all on things for him­self. I felt mis­er­able.

He al­ways tells me it's our money, our de­ci­sions. But he spent $4000 with­out even dis­cussing it with me.

I've men­tioned be­fore about how we could use more time to­gether and maybe go out some­times, but he'd rather play video games.

I've said that when he spends money like that with­out talk­ing to me about it, I feel hurt and ne­glected. I feel like I'm on the verge of de­pres­sion, yet con­stantly think­ing about his feel­ings though he never con­sid­ers mine.

Self­ish Spouse

- The pres­ence of a first child of­ten brings out dif­fer­ent is­sues be­tween cou­ples – and fi­nances is a com­mon one.

If your spouse is truly self­ish, you would’ve seen signs of this be­fore­hand. Per­haps you didn’t “get” it. Per­haps his video in­ter­est didn’t keep you from go­ing out be­fore the baby ar­rived.

But now his self-in­dul­gence with money and video-gam­ing is af­fect­ing you more.

Speak up as an equal part­ner. It’s about both of you adapt­ing to the new cir­cum­stances.

Cre­ate a list of things you need to buy as soon as there’s ex­tra money, plus a list of “treats” you’d both like, in­clud­ing an oc­ca­sional night out even con­trol­ling. You are likely to get into a tiff with this per­son. Tonight: Avoid a dif­fi­cult sit­u­a­tion, and you will be much hap­pier. LEO ( July 23-Aug. 22)

You might want to get away from the wild in­ter­ac­tions hap­pen­ing around you. Your tem­per could flare up sud­denly and catch you and oth­ers off guard. Sort through any an­gry feel­ings that keep bub­bling up, and process them be­fore shar­ing. Tonight: Get some dis­tance from oth­ers. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Em­pha­size what is go­ing on with a group of friends. Main­tain a car­ing po­si­tion, es­pe­cially with a dear friend. A power play is likely to oc­cur around a loved one. Know that you can­not in­ter­fere or pro­tect this per­son, de­spite your de­sire to help. Tonight: Join your friends. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Un­der­stand what is hap­pen­ing with a fam­ily mem­ber. You might ex­pe­ri­ence some pres­sure from some­one who is in charge. Your re­spon­si­bil­i­ties de­mand at­ten­tion, and there is no way around it. Ex­pect a tantrum from a loved one. Tonight: Home is where the heart is. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Your be­liefs could trig­ger quite a re­sponse. You might need to use other words to com­mu­ni­cate what you are feel­ing. Ex­press your thoughts in a mean­ing­ful way. A friend could shock you with his or and a babysit­ter.

Be clear that any ex­tra money from ei­ther of you, gets looked at with that list in mind.

If he re­sists, pro­tect your­self. Fight de­pres­sion, get coun­selling and fi­nan­cial ad­vice, and tell him he’s risk­ing your re­la­tion­ship.

- I was re­cently “winked” at online by some­one whose dat­ing pro­file was hard to un­der­stand.

I re­al­ized that there was ei­ther a lan­guage or ed­u­ca­tion prob­lem, be­cause he could nei­ther spell nor com­pose a full sen­tence. I didn’t re­spond. I pre­fer to play smart and not try to fig­ure any­one out online.

Se­lec­tive

– Some peo­ple aren’t as ar­tic­u­late as oth­ers. Also, some new­com­ers to the coun­try may strug­gle with writ­ing pro­files. But, if you were open-minded, you could’ve asked a few ques­tions, es­pe­cially if he oth­er­wise seemed at­trac­tive or in­cluded some in­ter­est­ing de­tails. her ac­tions. Tonight: The fun be­gins when you de­cide it does. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

One-on-one re­lat­ing will help make your path eas­ier through­out the day. You might have dif­fi­culty be­liev­ing that, though, as you feel some­one has his or her eye on a sit­u­a­tion that's near and dear to you. You would be well-ad­vised to back off. Tonight: Use self-dis­ci­pline. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You might feel un­usu­ally ornery, and could un­in­ten­tion­ally take it out on oth­ers. A lit­tle re­straint would make your life sub­stan­tially eas­ier dur­ing the next few days. A loved one will want to have a new be­gin­ning or say good­bye to a prob­lem. Tonight: Be cool. AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You might want to stay home or dive right into work. The ob­jec­tive re­mains the same: Avoid the myr­iad per­son­al­i­ties in your life who could be re­act­ing to the New Moon. High energy and up­roar will sur­round you on some level. Tonight: Get away from the rav­ing crowds. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

You might en­joy some of the ups and downs of your day. Tap into your in­ge­nu­ity when some­thing falls apart or when a friend seems to change his or her at­ti­tude to­ward you. Keep an open mind, and don't take com­ments so se­ri­ously. Tonight: Be with your fa­vorite per­son.

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