Trust key to long-dis­tance love

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - WORLD - Q A

- My long-dis­tance re­la­tion­ship has be­come in­creas­ingly dif­fi­cult. I’m afraid that it’s now fallen apart.

My part­ner deeply dis­trusts my fi­delity, de­spite my best ef­forts to as­sure her of my com­mit­ment to her.

She’s in­sisted on hav­ing a shared pass­word to my email ac­count.

I re­lented and gave her this for a cou­ple weeks, but then can­celled.

I’ve had some pla­tonic friends for many years. Af­ter read­ing some of our com­mu­ni­ca­tion, she’s in­sisted I cease com­mu­ni­ca­tion with her, and drop con­tact with oth­ers.

It feels like black­mail and in­tru­sion. Am I un­rea­son­able think­ing this way?

Dis­trusted

- You’re not clear about the com­mu­ni­ca­tion with your friends, which is what set your part­ner off.

Lots of op­po­site-sex friends are ca­su­ally flirty with each other, with­out tak­ing it fur­ther. And many share per­sonal thoughts and feel­ings, too.

But if that’s what she saw, it may’ve led her to be­lieve that these in­di­cated non-pla­tonic con­nec­tions.

So, whether you’re un­rea­son­able, de­pends on the truth.

Frankly, I’m against giv­ing some­one whom you al­ready knew was dis­trust­ful (ev­i­denced by her re­quest) your pass­word, un­less you’re squeaky clean, i.e. not flir­ta­tious and not in­dis­creet.

I sus­pect that since you can­celled her ac­cess to your email ac­count, you al­ready trou­ble.

It seems your part­ner didn’t fully trust you from the get-go.

And that makes a long-dis­tance re­la­tion­ship rife with anx­i­eties and sus­pi­cions for her, and frus­tra­tions for you.

Now you’re back­ing away… but is that what you want?

If you love this woman, con­tact her one more time (by Skype) and say so.

Also, apol­o­gize if any of the emails she read crossed a line of what’s ap­pro­pri­ate when you’re com­mit­ted to another.

Oth­er­wise, long dis­tance may not be work­able for you two.

knew

TIP OF THE DAY

it’d

cause

Long-dis­tance re­la­tion­ships re­quire mu­tual trust and re­spect to be suc­cess­ful.

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