Weigh your feel­ings on pre-nup

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COFFEE BREAK - El­lie Tesher

Q - I’m 55, a di­vorced fa­ther of three chil­dren, and four grand­chil­dren. I’m dat­ing a woman, 47, who lives in a dif­fer­ent city with three very young chil­dren whom I haven’t met.

She doesn’t have a civil di­vorce yet, and her ex-hus­band has an ar­range­ment in which he comes into the house to be with the kids and some­times will stay there with them for the week­end (she will then look for a place to stay).

She’d like me to fly her here to see me when her hus­band’s at the house, but I’d like to spend time with her fam­ily as well.

Can this type of re­la­tion­ship lead to mar­riage ?

Also, she wants a pre-nup­tial agree­ment to pro­tect her in­ter­est in her house and other as­sets (which is fine) but she’d also like that any money I make would be­long to both of us af­ter mar­riage.

She needs her money for the fam­ily and be­cause her ex would pay less if she re­mar­ries. Is that plan rea­son­able?

Am I bet­ter off to not get mar­ried and just en­joy the re­la­tion­ship for as long as it lasts?

Weigh­ing Op­tions

A - Weigh your feel­ings about this woman. And get le­gal ad­vice, too. She knows what she wants and needs from mar­riage, and so should you.

If you marry, yet live in two cities, she needs a dif­fer­ent ar­range­ment with her ex, such as his hav­ing his chil­dren’s’ vis­its at his own place.

If she even­tu­ally moves to your city, she can sell her home, work, and con­trib­ute to house­hold ex­penses with you. Her hus­band would still have to con­trib­ute to ba­sic child sup­port.

As for shar­ing all your in­come, much de­pends on what you can af­ford be­yond your own ex­penses (es­pe­cially if she does not sell her house or doesn’t have a job).

Love mat­ters most, but since she’s got­ten well in­formed fi­nan­cially, you need to do the same.


Weigh your feel­ings along with your fi­nances over pre-nup­tial re­quests.

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