Dear abby

Woman dis­cov­ers man’s eyes aren’t wan­der­ing by ac­ci­dent

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - HEALTH - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby DEAR ABBY: Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. What teens

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-yearold, twice di­vorced, hard-work­ing, mid­dle-class fe­male. I spend most of my time work­ing and in­volved with my three adult chil­dren.

About a year ago I started dat­ing some­one. He is 63, very help­ful and claims he’s madly in love with me and ap­pre­ci­ates this op­por­tu­nity for a nor­mal, whole­some life. Oc­ca­sion­ally I’ll catch him star­ing at women’s butts. It both­ers me a bit, but oh well, he’s a man.

Last week our fam­ily went camp­ing. At least a dozen times I saw him po­si­tion him­self so that he could stare at my 40year-old daugh­ter’s be­hind. Keep in mind, my daugh­ter dresses very con­ser­va­tively, and this trip was al­most all jeans and T-shirts.

As we were packed up and ready to head home, she said she had to re­lieve her­self and headed into the bushes (this is a re­mote camp­ground). In­stead of my boyfriend look­ing the other way as we all did, he stared and gawked in her di­rec­tion ob­vi­ously try­ing to sneak a peek!

Abby, I am dev­as­tated and dis­gusted. Please give me your take on this. — NOR­MAL OR NOT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOR­MAL: For a man to look at women’s body parts is nor­mal, but what your boyfriend did goes be­yond that. For him to try to sneak a peek at your daugh­ter while she re­lieved her­self in­di­cates that he is a voyeur. Now you must de­ter­mine whether he just takes ad­van­tage of an op­por­tu­nity or he ac­tively seeks it out, which could present a prob­lem in the fu­ture.

My daugh­ter is a 29-year-old new mother. I know times have changed since I was a new mom, but the re­stric­tions my daugh­ter has put on vis­it­ing her and my new grand­son are un­re­al­is­tic.

Since his birth three weeks ago, I have seen him only once _ at the hos­pi­tal. She has taken him on two out­ings: one where there were 10 peo­ple and another where there were more than 100. (My grand­son has not yet re­ceived any of his child­hood vac­ci­na­tions.)

My daugh­ter now says that when I visit, I must change into freshly washed clothes be­fore en­ter­ing her house. She’s afraid that the sec­ond­hand smoke will harm him.

I’m not un­in­tel­li­gent. I have bought dis­in­fec­tants to spray on my­self, as well as breath strips. I also wash my hands, arms and face be­fore I hold him. Am I un­re­al­is­tic in think­ing she’s ask­ing too much or should I say some­thing to her and let her know how much she has hurt me? — CRY­ING DAY AND NIGHT

DEAR CRY­ING: I do think you should talk to your daugh­ter. What she may be try­ing to do is en­cour­age you to quit smok­ing. I doubt that she’s do­ing it to be hurt­ful.

Her mo­ti­va­tion may be that she knows how un­healthy smok­ing is and would like you to be around un­til your grand­child is well into adult­hood. The odds of that hap­pen­ing will be higher if you can find a way to give up to­bacco. And when you do, con­sider putting all the money you save — and it will be plenty — into an ed­u­ca­tion fund for your grand­son.

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