In­ci­dents should be told to hu­man re­sources

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - PAUSE & PLAY -

Q-I’m a hos­pi­tal phar­ma­cist and oc­ca­sion­ally work with a doc­tor in his late 30s who’s mar­ried and has a son.

I’m 34, hap­pily mar­ried to my hus­band of ten years whom I’d never cheat on. The doc­tor knows I’m mar­ried with a son as well.

He’s con­sid­ered a "big shot" doc­tor. I fre­quently go on rounds with him and have to clar­ify med­i­ca­tion doses, and make rec­om­men­da­tions on pa­tient care.

He’s overly friendly and nice to me, is very flir­ta­tious in gen­eral, and likes to joke around.

He's made strange and in­ap­pro­pri­ate com­ments that aren’t pro­fes­sional for the work­place. I’ve mostly brushed them off.

The first day I met him he asked if I’d “had ba­bies.” He says he likes to make me blush. He also joked around and said he thought I said I missed him.

One day when I was wear­ing a skirt, he looked me up and down, com­mented he's not used to me wear­ing a skirt and asked me if I felt "lib­er­ated."

He touches my knees and my shoul­ders oc­ca­sion­ally when he greets me.

But the main is­sue is that one day dur­ing rounds he was be­hind me and he pushed his body against mine.

I felt un­com­fort­able but didn't want to make a scene and didn't say any­thing or back away.

I tried ig­nor­ing him but the next time he saw me he sat down next to me, ask­ing me more per­sonal ques­tions re­gard­ing my work sched­ule and how of­ten I see my hus­band.

I have no ex­pe­ri­ence with dat­ing and flirt­ing in the "adult work­place."

Is he try­ing to pur­sue a po­ten­tial fling or af­fair with me, or is he harm­lessly flirt­ing?

I think he’s been in­ap­pro­pri­ate but am afraid to say any­thing now be­cause I have to work with him and don't want to be un­com­fort­able.

I wouldn't now go to hu­man re­sources to com­plain of ha­rass­ment but I don't know if I should say some­thing or wait to see if he tries some­thing else again.

I’ve never shown signs that I’m in­ter­ested.

Should I come out and tell him he makes me un­com­fort­able and to stop touch­ing me and let him know I’m not in­ter­ested? Or wait? Am I over­re­act­ing to the sit­u­a­tion or un­der­re­act­ing?

- Touched Too Much

A-He’s push­ing you to see how far he can go. Move away im­me­di­ately when he next touches you, even if it’s your shoul­der.

Write down these you’ve men­tioned, and to the best of your rec­ol­lec­tion, the dates and places when they oc­curred.

If he ever presses his body against you again, walk away – and go straight to hu­man re­sources with your re­port. That same day.

His in­tru­sive ques­tions show his sense of en­ti­tle­ment to test you. It’s not gen­tle flirt­ing, it’s pro­gres­sive steps to take things fur­ther.

You’ve un­der­re­acted, and now must firmly in­di­cate dis­in­ter­est.

Hope­fully, by back­ing off his touch and not an­swer­ing his ques­tions (ig­nore them and com­ment only on the work), you’ll get your mes­sage across.

If he tries any­thing fur­ther, say calmly and firmly, “This is in­ap­pro­pri­ate,” and get your re­port to hos­pi­tal of­fi­cials im­me­di­ately.

Be pre­pared that he may counter with his own “story,” to fore­stall an HR in­quiry.

Un­for­tu­nately, he’s the type of “big shot” of­ten well-known for in­ap­pro­pri­ate sex­u­al­ized com­ments and come-ons, who’s over­looked by of­fi­cials be­cause of his sta­tus.

To avoid be­com­ing the fall guy for it, start show­ing clearly that you won’t put up with it.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.