Dear Abby

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - ENTERTAINMENT - Abi­gail Van Buren

Boyfriend re­veals that his soul mate died years ago.

DEAR ABBY: I have been close to my best friend for three years. A year ago we de­cided to date. We have a won­der­ful re­la­tion­ship on al­most ev­ery level.

The only is­sue I have is that he’s re­luc­tant to open up about his past. He is a very pri­vate per­son, and I know it’s be­cause of his up­bring­ing. This has sparked many de­bates be­tween us that have ended less than pleas­antly.

Re­cently, he did open up, and when he did, he dropped a bomb. He asked me if I be­lieved in soul mates, and I said yes. Then he told me about how in his past there was a girl he loved very much. Sadly, she died. He said he sees this girl as his soul mate, but he doesn’t think it lessens any of his love for me.

This was the first time he opened up to me. Now that it has sunk in, I’m hurt. I al­ready have self-con­fi­dence is­sues, and I worry that since I am not her, I’m not enough. I can’t live up to a dead woman.

I al­ways thought I could change his closed ways, but now, know­ing the cause, I fear there is noth­ing I can do to help him. Maybe he’s just too messed up for me. I don’t know what to do. Can some­one have two soul mates? — NOT HIS SOUL MATE


Please do not al­low your self­con­fi­dence is­sues to ruin your re­la­tion­ship, be­cause from where I sit, it ap­pears you’re look­ing for a way to push this man away. So what if he had a ro­mance that ended trag­i­cally? She’s dead — gone! And you’re very much alive. Stop com­pet­ing with her.

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that we can­not change other peo­ple. He doesn’t need your help; he needs some­one who will ac­cept him the way he is and love him for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am the trea­surer for my high school’s up­com­ing 50th re­union. My se­nior class was large — more than 550 stu­dents. My prob­lem is, 280 stu­dents have not re­sponded to our monthly emails or news­let­ters.

It takes a lot of time and ef­fort to put on a re­union. We have been work­ing on it for two years. I re­al­ize some class­mates hated their se­nior year. Not all of us had a per­fect time. But would you re­mind peo­ple that a sim­ple yes or no works well?

Frankly, I don’t know why any­one would say no, un­less med­i­cal or fi­nan­cial is­sues pre­vented them from at­tend­ing. I don’t look like I did at 18, and nei­ther does any­one else. The clique clubs are gone, and the cap­tain of the football team looks just like any other guy. Can you com­ment? — READY FOR THE RE­UNION

DEAR READY: Yes. There may be other rea­sons some grad­u­ates don’t wish to at­tend their high school re­union. They live far away, or there is no one they par­tic­u­larly want to see.

Rather than work your­self into a lather, in your next com­mu­ni­ca­tion to the grad­u­ates, spec­ify that only those who have re­sponded to the in­vi­ta­tion can be ac­com­mo­dated “be­cause the com­mit­tee is mak­ing ar­range­ments for which they need an ex­act head count.” If you don’t hear from some­one, do not plan on see­ing him or her.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. Good ad­vice for ev­ery­one — teens to se­niors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.”To or­der, send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus cheque or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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