Dear Abby

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - FEATURES - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. For ev­ery­thing you need to know

Hus­band un­sure how to cope af­ter wife’s af­fair

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago when I was an army of­fi­cer, my wife “went crazy.” She had an af­fair and wound up get­ting preg­nant. When I got out of the army, she saw the man one time more be­fore we moved and got preg­nant again! We had a child to­gether later.

When I found out my el­dest son didn’t have the cor­rect blood type, I con­fronted her and she ad­mit­ted it.

I then had all my chil­dren tested and re­al­ized only the last one is mine. I love the other two as well as my son, and I would not de­stroy his or the other boys’ lives.

My wife and I had coun­selling and it helped some.

The prob­lem is, I feel like my life has been de­stroyed and I don’t know what to do. — COUN­SELLING HELPED ... BUT

DEAR C.H.B.: I as­sume you and your wife had joint coun­selling af­ter you learned about her re­peated in­fi­deli­ties. While your faith in women may have been shaken, your life has not been “de­stroyed.” Feel­ing as you do, it’s time for you to pri­vately dis­cuss your feel­ings with an­other li­censed men­tal health pro­fes­sional. Af­ter that, you will be bet­ter equipped to ra­tio­nally de­cide how to move for­ward.

DEAR ABBY: My sis­ter-in-law is get­ting mar­ried soon. Orig­i­nally, she asked my four-year-old daugh­ter, “Emma,” to be her flower girl. Emma was very ex­cited.

A few weeks ago, I asked when my daugh­ter needed to be fit­ted for her dress. My sis­ter-in-law then in­formed me they had cho­sen my niece to be the flower girl the day af­ter she asked Emma. No one ever men­tioned it to us.

It was left to me to tell my daugh­ter, and she was dev­as­tated.

She still cries about it. I am hold­ing in so much anger and hurt that I have been avoid­ing the fam­ily so there won’t be any fight­ing close to the “big day.” Am I wrong to be up­set with my sis­ter-in-law and mother-in-law for ex­clud­ing my lit­tle girl and not telling her them­selves? — MIFFED IN ALABAMA

DEAR MIFFED: No, you’re not. The way it was han­dled was ex­tremely in­sen­si­tive. Your sis­ter-in-law owes you an ex­pla­na­tion for what hap­pened and your daugh­ter an apol­ogy.

DEAR ABBY: I will be re­ceiv­ing some money from a court set­tle­ment soon. Only five friends were true friends and stood by me. They as­sisted me dur­ing the two years I was to­tally des­ti­tute. They all know I’m in­volved in a law­suit and that I will re­ceive com­pen­sa­tion.

My ques­tion is, should I tell them how much I’m get­ting? I don’t like to lie, but the idea of re­veal­ing my mon­e­tary sta­tus makes me un­com­fort­able. I never promised any of them money, so that’s not an is­sue. I will cheer­fully com­pen­sate them all for their loy­alty in on­go­ing daily ways.

What should I do or say when they ask how much I re­ceived? I don’t want to be per­ceived as rude. — UN­CER­TAIN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UN­CER­TAIN: The amount you will be re­ceiv­ing is re­ally no­body’s busi­ness. It would not be rude to say that you’d pre­fer not to dis­cuss it be­cause it makes you un­com­fort­able, and change the sub­ject.

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