Dear Abby

Cou­ple’s fu­ture grows murkier af­ter man has se­cond thoughts.

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COMMUNITY - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. For ev­ery­thing you need to know

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Jimmy,” and I have been to­gether for two years. Af­ter about four months, out of ne­ces­sity we moved in to­gether and it was great.

Not long after­ward I got a job two hours away. Since I moved, we get to see each other only ev­ery two or three weeks. The sep­a­ra­tion has been tough, but when we’re to­gether, ev­ery­thing is per­fect and all is right with the world. I feel we were fated to be to­gether.

Be­fore the move, Jimmy and I of­ten talked about mar­riage, and al­though I am not crazy about it, I knew it meant a lot to him, so I pro­posed (ring and all).

He ini­tially said yes, then sort of asked me to take back my pro­posal. Since then, he has been avoid­ing all dis­cus­sions about our fu­ture, and I don’t know what to do.

I’m will­ing to quit my job and go back to be with him, but I’m scared he’s go­ing to get cold feet. Ob­vi­ously, I’m hope­lessly in love with him, but now I’m feel­ing lost and con­fused. – HOURS APART IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HOURS APART: Please al­low me to of­fer some clar­ity. Do not quit your job be­cause if you do, you may find your­self not only with­out a job but also with­out a place to stay.

When some­one (man or woman) asks that a pro­posal be re­scinded, it usu­ally means the per­son feels he or she may have jumped the gun by say­ing yes. Jimmy is avoid­ing all dis­cus­sion about your fu­ture be­cause he doesn’t want one, and he’s afraid to say it di­rectly be­cause he knows it will hurt your feel­ings.

For your own sake, have an hon­est con­ver­sa­tion with him about this.

It may be painful, but it will be bet­ter than liv­ing in limbo the way you are. As the say­ing goes, “When a door closes, an­other one opens.”

DEAR ABBY: Last Fri­day was Grand­par­ents’ Day at my kids’ preschool. My par­ents at­tended and were well-be­haved for the most part, but then my mother made a faux pas. She asked one of the di­rec­tors when her baby was due. Well, Abby, the woman isn’t preg­nant.

When I picked up my kids, I had no idea what had hap­pened. The di­rec­tor was hav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion with one of the teach­ers when I walked in, so as usual I smiled and waved as I walked by. I did sense some­thing was off when she didn’t re­spond, but I fig­ured she was pre­oc­cu­pied. When we met my par­ents for din­ner, my mother told me what hap­pened.

I am mor­ti­fied. I man­aged to make it out of the preschool this morn­ing with­out cross­ing paths with the di­rec­tor, but I’ll be see­ing this woman for the next cou­ple of years. What, if any­thing, do I say to her? – HOR­RI­FIED IN MICHI­GAN

DEAR HOR­RI­FIED: You did noth­ing wrong, so stop avoid­ing the woman and be­have as you usu­ally do. IF you no­tice that she treats you dif­fer­ently, all you should say is: “I heard what hap­pened with my mother, and I’d like to apol­o­gize for her be­hav­iour. As you can see, she some­times puts her foot in her mouth, but we love her any­way.”

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