Man faces choos­ing be­tween job and his dream life­style

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - ENTERTAINMENT/COMMUNITY - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.Dear­ or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. What teens need to know about sex,

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 47-yearold man. I live alone in a small city in New York. I have a good job. I have been with the com­pany for years and my bosses take good care of me. How­ever, I want to live a semi-home­steading-type life on my own prop­erty, pro­vid­ing my­self with my ba­sic needs. I can­not do this in the area where I live be­cause of strict zon­ing.

I’m torn be­tween leav­ing my job to move and live the life I dream of, or stay­ing where I am and try­ing to get as close as I can to that life­style. Can you help me? — TORN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TORN: The ques­tions you need to an­swer are can you AF­FORD to live your dream right now and, if not, how long will you have to wait un­til you can achieve it? Your next move should be to talk to your CPA or to a cer­ti­fied fi­nan­cial plan­ner and see what it will take to make your dream a re­al­ity. Un­less you are sure about that, you should stay where you are un­til you have enough money for a com­fort­able re­tire­ment off the grid.

DEAR ABBY: I am a work­ing mother of two, mar­ried for 20 years. I go to great lengths to keep a Google cal­en­dar up­dated, which my hus­band has ac­cess to any time he wishes to see it. The prob­lem is, he rarely looks at it. In­stead, he asks me daily, “What have we got go­ing on to­day?” or, “What time is (blank)?” or, “Do we have any­thing hap­pen­ing the week­end of (blank)?” Some­times he texts me while I’m work­ing to ask what time one of our chil­dren needs to be picked up.

Abby, it drives me crazy! At any hour of any day he is one click away from all this in­for­ma­tion. It makes me feel like I’m his sec­re­tary. I have told him how it makes me feel nu­mer­ous times to no avail. How can I get him to use the cal­en­dar and stop treat­ing me like his per­sonal sec­re­tary? — FED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FED UP: Here’s how: Do not re­act in anger. When he asks these ques­tions, your response should be: “I don’t know, Honey. I’m sure it’s on the cal­en­dar. Why don’t you look it up?”

DEAR ABBY: My son is 29. He has no van­ity at all and does not care how he dresses or looks. He has al­ways been this way. He just got mar­ried, and his wife is a dar­ling girl. How can I make him un­der­stand how im­por­tant this is, not only to him but also to his wife? — CON­CERNED MOM

DEAR CON­CERNED MOM: It’s my ob­ser­va­tion that peo­ple who make the ef­fort to “put them­selves to­gether” usu­ally feel bet­ter for hav­ing done so. How­ever, if your son is do­ing well at his job, happy in his re­la­tion­ships and in his marriage, then per­haps you shouldn’t sec­ond-guess him. The time to have im­pressed the im­por­tance of good groom­ing on your son was while he was still a mi­nor and liv­ing with you. Now that he’s 29, face it, that horse left the barn years ago.

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