Woman should at­tend friend’s shower

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - PAUSE & PLAY - Ellie Tesher

Q - My best friend’s ex­pect­ing her first child in a few months and I’m over-the-moon ex­cited for her. Her sis­ter planned a shower for her but has cho­sen not to in­vite me be­cause it’s “for moth­ers only.”

I only learned about it when my own mother re­ceived an in­vi­ta­tion.

Her sis­ter’s rea­son­ing is that my friend should be sur­rounded and sup­ported by, and pro­vided with ad­vice from peo­ple who’ve al­ready walked that path and can re­ally un­der­stand what she’s about to em­bark upon.

This has been like a punch to the gut.

I’ve been strug­gling with fer­til­ity for years and the longer it goes, the more I re­al­ize that I’ll likely never get preg­nant.

So not only am I not in­vited to the baby shower (we’ve been friends for over 25 years) but I’m also made to feel worth­less and in­fe­rior be­cause I’m not a mother and have failed at be­com­ing one.

I can’t talk to the friend about it since this is a sur­prise shower.

I believe she’d be up­set about me not be­ing there.

My mother and a few other friends have said I should go any­way, but I don’t want to cre­ate drama and anger when she should be en­joy­ing her special day.

I’ve been in tears about this since I found out. I don’t know if I should even men­tion this to my friend af­ter the fact, in case it could af­fect her re­la­tion­ship with her sis­ter.

Am I mak­ing a moun­tain out of a mole­hill?


A - No, you have ev­ery rea­son to be hurt and an­gry.

Your friend’s sis­ter is be­yond in­sen­si­tive to the point of cruel in­dif­fer­ence, even if she per­haps doesn’t know all about your fer­til­ity strug­gle.

You are nei­ther worth­less nor in­fe­rior.

You’ve been an im­por­tant per­son in your friend’s life through years of many dif­fer­ent ex­pe­ri­ences.

Some­one should speak to the thought­less sis­ter about this, but not you.

Your mother could call their mother, or a friend could call this sis­ter directly.

She should be re­minded that a “best friend” is one of the most sup­port­ive peo­ple in life, and that her preg­nant sis­ter will be mor­ti­fied and up­set to find you left out.

She knows well of your deep wish for motherhood and how happy you are for her.

The ex­clu­sion should be over­rid­den, even if you do have to show up with­out an in­vi­ta­tion.

That’ll take brav­ery, but if you can han­dle it, you’re the one to be ad­mired.

Q - I was go­ing out with my mate, she be­gan to flirt with me (I’m a man), and it made me feel re­ally un­com­fort­able.

She stayed at my house that night, and be­gan rub­bing my gen­i­tals. I told her to stop, but she did not.

She con­tin­ued to com­mit sex­ual acts to­wards me, and I kept push­ing her away.

She’s my cousin. How do I make her stop with­out hurting her (phys­i­cally), and tell her that itís just not right?

Up­set Cousin

A - Speak up! Do not let her stay over ever again.

You may have been “mates” be­fore, but her ap­proach crossed the line to com­mit­ting a sex­ual as­sault on you.

Tell her so. And say clearly that you’re legally within your rights to re­port her to the po­lice.

Do this if you feel she’ll try again, and def­i­nitely do it if she does ap­proach you sex­u­ally again.

Find other mates. And know this: No one has the right to sex­u­ally abuse you, whether it’s a cousin, so-called friend, or any­one else.

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