Body odour no jok­ing mat­ter

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - PAUSE & PLAY - El­lie Tesher

Q - I’m 33, male, sin­gle, and have no­tice­able body odour.

I shower twice daily, have no dis­ease or or­gan dys­func­tion. I want to hide when I per­spire.

I work in a ware­house and suf­fer mer­ci­less teas­ing from co-work­ers.

I’ve seen two doc­tors, but nei­ther helped me.

I stopped eat­ing sar­dines (my favourite fish) and the odour sub­sided a lit­tle.

I read a diet sug­ges­tion to elim­i­nate cof­fee and an­i­mal foods, but af­ter three months it’s not help­ing.

I’m hop­ing read­ers will of­fer sug­ges­tions how they’ve coped with this prob­lem or, bet­ter, ended it.

Smell Prob­lem

A - Ku­dos to you for reach­ing out for help! Your cloth­ing ma­te­ri­als, per­sonal me­tab­o­lism, in­ter­nal tox­ins, and/or gar­lic in­take may be sus­pect. The search for an an­swer is on.

Q - I felt like my 13-year mar­riage started our spring time.

But when we came to our new coun­try, we had to find jobs and also take care of our young son. My hus­band worked full-time, and I worked from home.

We re­al­ized that go­ing back to school might be a bet­ter op­tion, tak­ing turns to help each other.

We worked hard to buy our dream house while stud­ies were post­poned. With our sec­ond child’s birth, win­ter en­tered our mar­riage.

My hus­band got laid off so he could pur­sue his stud­ies full­time. It was my turn to help fi­nan­cially with a long-hours shift job, even work­ing week­ends.

I was sleep-de­prived and my health was very af­fected.

Af­ter he started a job, I took long-dis­tance cour­ses, mak­ing a big­ger dis­tance be­tween us.

Our big mis­take was in­vest­ing so much time in chil­dren/fu­ture plans, that we be­came like strangers busy in dif­fer­ent di­rec­tions.

Soon I reached my life cri­sis. I felt close to a col­league and poured my heart out to him.

Ear­lier, he’d sent in­di­rect mes­sages about why he helped me so much.

Yet I also saw the guy as de­ceiv­ing me, and spread­ing per­sonal things about me, some of them un­true.

I de­cided to work out my mar­riage, though the new guy still seemed mys­te­ri­ous to me. It was hard to push away my feel­ings which de­vel­oped.

We didn’t date out­side work, but my hon­our was dam­aged by gos­sip. I even had a de­pres­sion.

I didn’t sep­a­rate, as my hus­band tried so hard to save our mar­riage. He knows that I can­not say I love him and he’s okay with that, also for the sake of our two chil­dren.

Un­for­tu­nately, all my deep feel­ings are still for some­body that hurt me and had volatile moods I couldn’t rely on.

I still cry of­ten and my heart’s still bro­ken.

I work in a dif­fer­ent place and I am try­ing to con­cen­trate bet­ter at work.

Am I hop­ing in vain for an­other spring time in my mar­riage?

Want­ing Re­newal

A - You need to go be­yond “hope,” and do the work that’s needed to re­pair a mar­riage.

It in­volves more than re­count­ing your chal­lenges, hard work, fi­nan­cial stresses, etc.

It re­quires own­ing what part you con­trib­uted to the dis­tance from your hus­band, and the emo­tional af­fair with your col­league.

The lat­ter was work­place fan­tasy.

If your hus­band were the one who “canít say I love you,” would you ac­cept that? He’s been a steady part­ner in all the phases of your mar­riage which you both in­sisted on striv­ing to­ward.

Since it was a “mis­take” to put no time into your life as a cou­ple, do so now.

Get coun­selling to­gether to re­build your re­la­tion­ship, and rec­og­nize what you ac­tu­ally ac­com­plished to­gether.

Give “spring” an­other chance.

By Jacqueline Bigar

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