Woman needs es­cape from abuse

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - PAUSE & PLAY - El­lie Tesher

Q - Eigh­teen months ago, I moved our en­tire home out one day while my hus­band was at work.

The rea­son? Years of men­tal, emo­tional, and phys­i­cal abuse.

He was also tak­ing fi­nan­cial ad­van­tage of me and run­ning me into debt.

I moved into my own house with my daugh­ter.

He called for weeks, cry­ing and beg­ging me to re­turn. I fi­nally gave in to see­ing him once only.

He’s worked his way back into my life again, and we’ve been “dat­ing” but not liv­ing to­gether.

Now his con­trol­ling ways have a hold on me again.

I hardly see friends or fam­ily. I’ve gained a lot of weight due to stress.

He says if I have one night out with any­one, even my mom, he’ll never see me again.

I’m scared to be alone now. I’ve lost the strength I had a year ago.

I don’t want to lose him, but feel trapped. Yet I can’t stom­ach the thought of him be­ing with any­one else.

Lost

A - You’ve “lost” your re­sis­tance, but not yet your­self.

You still have the smarts and the guts to write this cry for help.

Run! Get to an abused women’s shel­ter with your daugh­ter, af­ter you first make con­tact on­line from a neu­tral com­puter e.g. at a li­brary.

They’ll con­nect you with le­gal help to as­sure you don’t lose your house and other as­sets.

They’ll find you coun­selling help.

You’ll soon be men­tally free to re­build the con­fi­dence you had just a year ago.

This man is poi­sonous to you, and likely to your daugh­ter, too.

What­ever he does to en­snare you, the girl and you need to be free of his in­flu­ence.

I re­peat, Run! Make a safe plan and get go­ing.

FEED­BACK: Re­gard­ing “Be­yond Fan­tasy” who was con­sid­er­ing turn­ing a fan­tasy ar­range­ment into a real three­some with­out telling his wife in ad­vance (June 28):

Reader — “My hus­band told me it turned him on to think of me hav­ing sex with an­other man while he watched.

“I was fine with the fan­tasy, and we car­ried on that way for some years. He would pre­tend to be some­one else that we knew.

“Then, one day, he ex­cit­edly told me that he’d made ar­range­ments with a paid male es­cort for that evening so that I could fi­nally re­al­ize my fan­tasy of be­ing with an­other man.

“I was stunned. He told me to get ready, as we were meet­ing this man at a ho­tel.

“I’ve never felt such panic or dis­may in my life.

“I said I had no in­ter­est in hav­ing sex with an­other man and that he was tak­ing this fan­tasy much too far.

“He got up and made a phone call. That was that, I thought.

“How­ever, every time we went on va­ca­tion, he’d scan the beach or bar and ask me to pick a guy with whom I’d like to have sex.

“When I said I couldn’t find any­one, he’d get an­gry, say­ing I was ru­in­ing the fan­tasy.

“One night, he saw me look­ing at a man for a bit too long and said he’d ask the guy to join us in our room for a drink and see what de­vel­oped.

“I con­vinced him to for­get about it.

“The fan­tasy was one thing but try­ing to make it real was a deal-breaker.

“Our mar­riage was never the same af­ter the es­cort in­ci­dent and my life was mis­er­able.

“We’re no longer to­gether. ‘Be­yond Fan­tasy’ needs to fully un­der­stand what’s at stake if he takes things too far.”

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