IN PRAISE OF POOP

A Toronto restau­ra­teur is bring­ing poop to your plate but is it re­ally fun?

The Hamilton Spectator - - GO - SH­ERYL NADLER Sh­eryl@sh­eryl­nadler.com

The en­tire world has turned to poop.

I mean that fig­u­ra­tively, for count­less rea­sons, of course. Ter­ror­ist at­tacks, po­lit­i­cal strife, nu­mer­ous tragedies — it’s been a crazy sum­mer.

But I also mean that the world has turned to poop as a dis­trac­tion. A dis­trac­tion from the fact that the world is turn­ing to poop.

Poop is hot. Poop is cool. Poop is what all the kids are talking about. Lately I can’t glance at so­cial me­dia or log onto a news site with­out be­ing bom­barded by poop emo­jis, sto­ries about poop, ad­vice on how to make my poop health­ier, un­cov­er­ing the mysteries of poop. Poop: it’s ev­ery­where. My first clue came a cou­ple of months ago when, on a girls’ week­end out of town, one friend scoured ev­ery nov­elty, tween and de­part­ment store, search­ing in vain for a poop emoji throw cush­ion re­quested by her 10year-old daugh­ter.

Sold. Out. Ev­ery­where. Oh sure, you could ar­gue that a 10-year-old Hamil­to­nian doesn’t need a dis­trac­tion from Amer­i­can po­lit­i­cal angst, but her mom might. Es­pe­cially if she hap­pens to be va­ca­tion­ing in Amer­ica.

Poop: not just in dog parks any­more. It’s also ly­ing hap­haz­ardly on your tween’s bed. Or, more re­al­is­ti­cally, her floor.

And now a Toronto restau­ra­teur is bring­ing poop to your plate. The Toronto Star re­ports that Ge­orge Brown Col­lege culi­nary man­age­ment grad­u­ate Lien Nguyen is set to open Toronto’s first toi­let-themed dessert bar, Poop Café, on Bloor Street West.

“It’s funny to put food and poop to­gether; it’s a great com­par­i­son,” Nguyen told The Star of her busi­ness ven­ture, which was in­spired by a visit to the toi­let-themed restau­rant, Mod­ern Toi­let, in Tai­wan.

It’s re­ally not, though. Funny to put poop and food to­gether. I mean, I get that toi­let­themed restau­rants are a thing all over the world now, pro­vid­ing toi­lets for cus­tomers to sit on while en­joy­ing cho­co­late soft serve ice cream in bidet-shaped bowls and milk­shakes in cups shaped like uri­nals. I get it. It’s fun. I can be fun. But if you’ve ever stood an­kle deep in raw sewage pour­ing into the base­ment of your 100-year-old home, you might not find poop AS much fun as, say, a per­son who hasn’t.

You might, in fact, be­come a per­son who would never in a mil­lion years con­sider bring­ing food into a sit­u­a­tion that in­volves poop. Even in a fun way. Ha ha. Be­cause you might still have night­mares about hav­ing to shovel your neigh­bour­hood’s raw sewage out of said base­ment, imag­in­ing fe­cal mat­ter float­ing in­vis­i­bly through­out the house un­til you do a mas­sive ren­o­va­tion, rip­ping out floors and walls and such.

Poop: it’s hi­lar­i­ous for kids of all ages. Un­less you’ve had to wade through it in rub­ber boots.

But Nguyen in­sists poop can be cute. Poop can be merry. And sure, maybe poop can be to food what it has be­come to emo­jis and tween home decor.

“Peo­ple will change their minds about poo,” she told The Star.

Okey doke. Lots of peo­ple seem to agree with her. I mean, the Mod­ern Toi­let has been around since 2004, ac­cord­ing to The Star, so it’s no flash in the, um, potty.

And I’ll bet cus­tomers will be lined up to get into the Poop Café much in the same way we Hamil­to­ni­ans line up for wash­rooms af­ter a cou­ple of beers at a hot, hu­mid Ti­cats game.

And I will prob­a­bly al­low my­self to be per­suaded to check it out, if only to just check it out. Be­cause of course I will. I mean, it’s here, so why not? But will I ever be en­thu­si­as­tic about poop? No. Not gonna hap­pen. Oh, who am I kidding? Cho­co­late ice cream is cho­co­late ice cream, yummy no mat­ter how you serve it. Sure, sign me up for a poop dis­trac­tion, too.

VINCE TALOTTA, TORONTO STAR

Lien Nguyen, owner of the new and up­com­ing Poop Café, in­side the cafe be­ing ren­o­vated in Kore­atown on Bloor Street West.

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