It’s doubtful anybody will call this Tom Brady aloof
It’s now official: Tom Brady is one tough guy to exterminate. Zoo Atlanta — upon losing a Super Bowl bet to a Rhode Island counterpart after the hometown Falcons coughed up a 25-3 lead — made good on the wager by naming one of its baby animals after the winning Patriots’ quarterback. The lucky critter? A Madagascar hissing cockroach.
The name of the German shepherd that won best in show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is: a) Rumor b) Fake News c) Alternative Facts
SACKING THE PASSER
Mexican authorities at the Arizona border confiscated a catapult used to launch 21-kilo bundles of marijuana into the U.S. Traffickers apparently got the idea watching Colin Kaepernick air-mail quick outs into the grandstands.
Who says only shortstops go deep into the hole? Royals pitcher Brian Flynn is expected to be sidelined eight weeks with rib and back injuries after falling through a barn roof at his Oklahoma spread.
The Florida Panthers’ Jaromir Jagr turned 45 Wednesday, joining Hall of Famers Gordie Howe and Chris Chelios as the only ones to play in an NHL game at that age. Teammates showered him afterward with Molsons and Metamucil.
PARK THOSE RAZORS
The Miami Marlins have lifted their ban on facial hair instituted last season. In other words, it’s no longer a shave situation.
GETTING A GRIP
Linda McMahon of WWE fame has been confirmed to lead the Small Business Administration, and she’s already making an imprint. Business partnerships are now known as “tag teams.”
HE NAILED IT
Where have you gone, “Hammerin’ Hank” Aaron? Pro rassler John “Gino Martino” Ferraro, who boasts a skull three times thicker than average, broke a Guinness World Record by hammering home 38 nails with his noggin in two minutes.
TALKING THE TALK
Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after the Spurs clinched their record 20th straight winning season: “Even more remarkable is that they did it with the same starting lineup.”
Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the floundering Knicks upset the Spurs at Madison Square Garden: “But to be fair, it’s hard to focus on basketball when you visit the circus.”
Blogger Chad Picasner, no fan of baseball’s experiment to start extra innings with a runner on second to cut down on marathon games: “If it ain’t broke ... then let’s break it.”
RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Winnipeg Jets star Dustin Byfuglien’s love of ice fishing: “He has to be fast, though: He only gets two minutes for hooking.”
WRONG BEAR RUG
Former Bears star Brian Urlacher is suing a Florida hair clinic for wrongly using his likeness to advertise hair-restoration treatments, the Chicago Tribune is reporting. Well, that’s one way of protecting your turf.
At TheOnion.com: “Gary Bettman issues pardon for Steve Yzerman’s 1997 slashing penalty.”
At TheKicker.com: “Nike beats other brands for naming rights to Baby Jeter.”
Baseball’s highest-paid player, Mets outfielder Yoenis Cespedes, has an 88-acre spread near Vero Beach, Fla., so he can: a) let his 10 horses, 10 cattle, eight turkeys and seven dogs roam b) park all his luxury cars
Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, via Twitter, on NFL owners moving their franchises to new locations with taxpayer-subsidized stadiums: “For folks with no farming background, it’s amazing how well NFL owners know how to milk a cash cow.”
Warriors star Stephen Curry, to the San Jose Mercury News, after his team’s 132-110 drubbing by the lowly Nuggets: “We just got served a humble slice of cupcake.”
Bruins centre David Backes, to ESPN.com, on his earliest recollection of 45-year-old Jaromir Jagr: “NHL ’94 on Super Nintendo as a 10-year-old ... If you went across the crease as Jagr on your backhand, you scored every time. He’s still doing that.”
Teammates apparently gave Jaromir Jagr the M&M treatment on his 45th birthday.
Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show winner Rumor, a German shepherd, poses for a photo with its trophy and ribbons on the 102nd floor of One World Observatory in New York City. He did not get a congratulatory call from President Trump.
Say hello to Tom Brady, the Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.