It’s doubt­ful any­body will call this Tom Brady aloof

The Hamilton Spectator - - SPORTS - DWIGHT PERRY

It’s now of­fi­cial: Tom Brady is one tough guy to ex­ter­mi­nate. Zoo At­lanta — upon los­ing a Su­per Bowl bet to a Rhode Is­land coun­ter­part af­ter the home­town Fal­cons coughed up a 25-3 lead — made good on the wa­ger by nam­ing one of its baby an­i­mals af­ter the win­ning Pa­tri­ots’ quar­ter­back. The lucky crit­ter? A Mada­gas­car hiss­ing cock­roach.

SPORTS QUIZ

The name of the Ger­man shep­herd that won best in show at the West­min­ster Ken­nel Club Dog Show is: a) Ru­mor b) Fake News c) Al­ter­na­tive Facts

SACK­ING THE PASSER

Mex­i­can au­thor­i­ties at the Ari­zona bor­der con­fis­cated a cat­a­pult used to launch 21-kilo bun­dles of mar­i­juana into the U.S. Traf­fick­ers ap­par­ently got the idea watch­ing Colin Kaeper­nick air-mail quick outs into the grand­stands.

FALL CLAS­SIC

Who says only short­stops go deep into the hole? Roy­als pitcher Brian Flynn is ex­pected to be side­lined eight weeks with rib and back in­juries af­ter fall­ing through a barn roof at his Ok­la­homa spread.

MIXED SHOW­ERS

The Florida Pan­thers’ Jaromir Jagr turned 45 Wed­nes­day, join­ing Hall of Famers Gordie Howe and Chris Che­lios as the only ones to play in an NHL game at that age. Team­mates show­ered him af­ter­ward with Mol­sons and Me­ta­mu­cil.

PARK THOSE RAZORS

The Mi­ami Mar­lins have lifted their ban on fa­cial hair in­sti­tuted last sea­son. In other words, it’s no longer a shave sit­u­a­tion.

GET­TING A GRIP

Linda McMa­hon of WWE fame has been con­firmed to lead the Small Busi­ness Ad­min­is­tra­tion, and she’s al­ready mak­ing an im­print. Busi­ness part­ner­ships are now known as “tag teams.”

HE NAILED IT

Where have you gone, “Ham­merin’ Hank” Aaron? Pro rassler John “Gino Martino” Fer­raro, who boasts a skull three times thicker than av­er­age, broke a Guin­ness World Record by ham­mer­ing home 38 nails with his nog­gin in two min­utes.

TALK­ING THE TALK

Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., af­ter the Spurs clinched their record 20th straight win­ning sea­son: “Even more re­mark­able is that they did it with the same start­ing lineup.”

Jan­ice Hough of LeftCoastS­port­sBabe.com, af­ter the floun­der­ing Knicks up­set the Spurs at Madi­son Square Gar­den: “But to be fair, it’s hard to fo­cus on bas­ket­ball when you visit the cir­cus.”

Blog­ger Chad Pi­cas­ner, no fan of base­ball’s ex­per­i­ment to start ex­tra in­nings with a run­ner on sec­ond to cut down on marathon games: “If it ain’t broke ... then let’s break it.”

RJ Cur­rie of Sport­sDeke.com, on Win­nipeg Jets star Dustin Byfuglien’s love of ice fish­ing: “He has to be fast, though: He only gets two min­utes for hook­ing.”

WRONG BEAR RUG

For­mer Bears star Brian Ur­lacher is su­ing a Florida hair clinic for wrongly us­ing his like­ness to ad­ver­tise hair-restora­tion treat­ments, the Chicago Tri­bune is re­port­ing. Well, that’s one way of pro­tect­ing your turf.

HEAD­LINES

At TheOnion.com: “Gary Bettman is­sues par­don for Steve Yz­er­man’s 1997 slash­ing penalty.”

At TheKicker.com: “Nike beats other brands for nam­ing rights to Baby Jeter.”

SPORTS QUIZ

Base­ball’s high­est-paid player, Mets out­fielder Yoe­nis Ce­s­pedes, has an 88-acre spread near Vero Beach, Fla., so he can: a) let his 10 horses, 10 cat­tle, eight tur­keys and seven dogs roam b) park all his lux­ury cars

QUOTE MARKS

Syn­di­cated colum­nist Nor­man Chad, via Twit­ter, on NFL own­ers mov­ing their fran­chises to new lo­ca­tions with tax­payer-sub­si­dized sta­di­ums: “For folks with no farm­ing back­ground, it’s amaz­ing how well NFL own­ers know how to milk a cash cow.”

War­riors star Stephen Curry, to the San Jose Mer­cury News, af­ter his team’s 132-110 drub­bing by the lowly Nuggets: “We just got served a hum­ble slice of cup­cake.”

Bru­ins cen­tre David Backes, to ESPN.com, on his ear­li­est rec­ol­lec­tion of 45-year-old Jaromir Jagr: “NHL ’94 on Su­per Nin­tendo as a 10-year-old ... If you went across the crease as Jagr on your back­hand, you scored ev­ery time. He’s still do­ing that.”

REED SAXON, THE AS­SO­CI­ATED PRESS

Team­mates ap­par­ently gave Jaromir Jagr the M&M treat­ment on his 45th birth­day.

MARY ALTAFFER, THE AS­SO­CI­ATED PRESS

West­min­ster Ken­nel Club Dog Show win­ner Ru­mor, a Ger­man shep­herd, poses for a photo with its tro­phy and rib­bons on the 102nd floor of One World Ob­ser­va­tory in New York City. He did not get a con­grat­u­la­tory call from Pres­i­dent Trump.

CHAD HIPOLITO, THE CANA­DIAN PRESS

Say hello to Tom Brady, the Mada­gas­car Hiss­ing Cock­roach.

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