Ever hear of the two-minute drill in base­ball?

The Hamilton Spectator - - SPORTS - DWIGHT PERRY Tri­bune News Service

OK, base­ball-marathon crit­ics: Is 69 sec­onds fast enough for you? That’s how long it took for Florida In­ter­na­tional to take the field Sun­day and, four pitches later, get a game-end­ing ground out and a 4-3 win. The Con­fer­ence USA game had been sus­pended Satur­day night with one out to go af­ter dense fog rolled in.

HEAD­LINE

At TheOnion.com: “Clogged drain causes Ori­oles’ dugout to over­flow with chew­ing to bacco spit.”

YAYS AND BOOZE

San Diego Pale Ale .394, in hon­our of the late Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn, has proven to be a best­seller in his home­town. So what’s next — Wayne Gret­zky 99-proof whiskey?

DECIBEL ALERT

With ten­nis star Maria Shara­pova back from her 15-month drug ban, the ques­tion is this: Will she re­turn to su­per­star form, or will she be just an­other grunt?

UNEATABLE LIE

McCain Foods has re­called Weg­mans O’Brien Hash Browns be­cause they might have pieces of golf balls in them. In other words, golf balls have gone from the greens to the browns.

SNEAK AT­TACK

Smack-talk­ing LaVar Ball claims his Big Baller brand will one day ri­val Nike’s. Though he’ll prob­a­bly draw the line at Air Ball sneak­ers.

NOT COM­ING CLEAN

Nord­strom’s is sell­ing jeans made to look like they’re cov­ered in dirt for $425 a pair. So what would a pair of Pete Rose game-worn pants be worth?

TALK­ING THE TALK

Brew­ers jour­ney­man Eric Thames, to re­porters, not wor­ried by drug tests in light of his sud­den power surge this sea­son: “If peo­ple keep think­ing I’m on stuff, I’ll be here ev­ery day. I have lots of blood and urine.”

Snip­pet from Chris­tine Kock­i­nis’ obit­u­ary in the Sacra­mento Bee: “Chris­tine re­quested that six play­ers from the Sacra­mento Kings be her pall­bear­ers so that they could let her down one last time.”

TBS’s Conan O’Brien, on plans for a “Game of Thrones” theme night at some MLB ball­parks: “In­stead of bob­ble­heads, fans will re­ceive ac­tual sev­ered heads.”

SLIDER IN THE DIRT

Gi­ants ace Madi­son Bum­gar­ner might miss two months or more be­cause of rib and shoul­der in­juries suf­fered in a dirt-bike ac­ci­dent. In other words, he’s sit­ting for the cy­cle.

SPEED TRAP

San Fran­cisco is nam­ing a street Mon­tanaClark Drive in hon­our of “The Catch” made by the 49ers’ Dwight Clark in 1981 vs. the Cow­boys. “When they put the sign up they’ll have to lower the speed limit,” noted Hall of Fame QB Joe Mon­tana, “be­cause ev­ery­one knows Dwight wasn’t very fast.”

MORE HEAD­LINES

At Sport­sPickle.com: “White House an­nounces the Pa­tri­ots love it there so much they’ll play en­tire 2017 sea­son on the South Lawn.”

At TheKicker.com: “Har­baugh screams at Pope for call­ing the wrong prayer.”

OK, WE’LL BITE

“How old are the San An­to­nio Spurs?” asked Brad Dick­son of the Omaha (Neb.) WorldHer­ald. “A pregame play­off meal was an early-bird spe­cial.”

QUOTE MARKS

Jack Finarelli of Sport­sCur­mud­geon.com, on Tiger Woods’ Top 25 fin­ishes in PGA tour­na­ments since the start of the 2014 sea­son — four — equalling the num­ber of back surg­eries he’s un­der­gone: “I will go out on a limb and sug­gest that is not a pos­i­tive equa­tion.”

Com­edy writer Alex Kase­berg, on Cubs third base­man Kris Bryant boast­ing MLB’s best­selling jersey: “The least pop­u­lar jersey? The United Air­lines soft­ball uni­forms.”

Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., af­ter Red Sox re­liever Matt Barnes drew a four-game sus­pen­sion for throw­ing at the Ori­oles’ Manny Machado: “If that was the rule in the old days, Don Don Drys­dale and Bob Gib­son wouldn’t have had more than three starts in a sea­son.”

Jan­ice Hough of LeftCoastS­port­sBabe.com, on the jet­ti­soned Sharks and floun­der­ing Gi­ants: “Ap­par­ently sports gods feel Warriors are enough for Bay Area.”

Mike Bianchi of the Or­lando (Fla.) Sen­tinel, on Phil Jack­son’s floun­der­ing NBA team: “Jack­son is start­ing to look more and more like for­mer Knicks pres­i­dent Isiah Thomas with­out the sex­ual-ha­rass­ment charges.”

Gary Bach­man, on Face­book, af­ter ESPN’s Mike Golic said line­backer Reuben Foster hits any­thing that moves: “So Tom Brady has noth­ing to worry about.”

NBC’s Jimmy Fal­lon, on ex-Yan­kee short­stop Derek Jeter and ex-Florida gov­er­nor Jeb Bush an­gling to buy the Mi­ami Mar­lins: “That’s right, one guy who could’ve been pres­i­dent — and Jeb Bush.”

RJ Cur­rie of Sport­sDeke.com, on why his wife wanted to watch the World Mixed Dou­bles Curl­ing Cham­pi­onship: “To see a man do his share of sweep­ing.”

DY­LAN BUELL, GETTY IM­AGES

Ques­tions about jour­ney­man Eric Thames power spike this sea­son? ’I’m here ev­ery day.’

THE AS­SO­CI­ATED PRESS

Just what ev­ery Pope needs: a foot­ball hel­met and a pair of Jor­dans.

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