How much is too much work done on your face?

The Hamilton Spectator - - GO - el­liead­vice.com DEAR EL­LIE

Q . Some of my high-school girl­friends got to­gether re­cently. We’re now in our late 30s.

I won­dered if I’d of­fended one of them who seemed to be con­stantly smirk­ing at me. She’s ex­tremely suc­cess­ful and I thought she might’ve de­vel­oped an air of su­pe­ri­or­ity.

When I later asked one of the other women about it, she laughed.

She said our friend’s “al­most frozen” fa­cial ex­pres­sion was from too much “work” done on it.

I know some women our age get treat­ments for fa­cial fillers, Bo­tox, etc. But how much is too much?

Also, if all your friends now look 10 years younger than you, is it time to “do some­thing” too?

A. Your friend may be­lieve that to be highly suc­cess­ful in her par­tic­u­lar field, she must main­tain a youth­ful ap­pear­ance. Women and men alike who feel this way use a range of choices, e.g. Bo­tox in­jec­tions to erase frown lines through tem­po­rary mus­cle paral­y­sis, in­jectable fillers that plump age lines, mi­cro­der­mabra­sion that “sands” skin to smooth­ness. Plus the more in­va­sive and ex­pen­sive face-lift surgery that lasts longer, but can also dra­mat­i­cally change a per­son’s out­ward im­age. What’s too much? You’ve seen the ex­tremes on some celebri­ties — cheeks over-plumped, eyes widened alert by stretched tem­ples, ex­pres­sion­less fore­heads, etc.

Do you need to fol­low your age­mates?

It’s a strictly per­sonal choice. Maintenance gets pricey while youth­ful­ness also shines through from healthy fit­ness/nu­tri­tion and a pos­i­tive per­son­al­ity.

Any­one con­sid­er­ing cos­metic treat­ments should talk first to an ac­cred­ited cos­metic sur­geon or der­ma­tol­o­gist, and learn ex­actly what will be done and the ex­pected out­come.

Do not go to non-ac­cred­ited prac­ti­tion­ers who’ve sim­ply rented some ba­sic equip­ment and taken a short­term course.

What­ever’s done to your face, you’ll be wear­ing it.

We both suf­fer from his ED

Q. My hus­band’s suf­fered from erec­tile dys­func­tion (ED) since we met in his early 20s.

We’re 30 now, fi­nally seek­ing whether there’s an un­der­ly­ing cause.

It’s frus­trat­ing when doc­tors im­me­di­ately tell him it’s psy­cho­log­i­cal due to his younger age. One doc­tor im­me­di­ately sug­gested we see a sex ther­a­pist.

We can­not af­ford this, and also feel it’s a phys­i­cal prob­lem, so he’s hav­ing tests.

If it’s not phys­i­cal, then we’d ex­plore ther­apy.

It’s tak­ing an aw­ful toll on my hus­band’s con­fi­dence. But I’m also suf­fer­ing through this (low con­fi­dence that I’m at­trac­tive, con­stantly feel­ing re­jected, won­der­ing if he’s se­cretly gay).

I need a real-peo­ple sup­port group for part­ners of those suf­fer­ing with ED. I some­times have harsh feel­ings to­wards him as if this is his fault, though it’s not. I don’t want an on­line group.

A. Now that you’re fi­nally look­ing into this and tak­ing tests don’t turn on your doc­tor for ad­vice that both­ers you. In­stead, weigh it among the things you do know about ED and try to learn more.

The sug­ges­tion of sex ther­apy wasn’t an in­sult or blame. It may be help­ful for your own frus­tra­tion, and feel­ings of hurt, and your hus­band’s frus­tra­tion and anx­i­ety about this. Ther­apy has a place even if there is a phys­i­cal cause in­volved.

The cost for a few ses­sions can be well worth the gained con­fi­dence about re­solv­ing the is­sue. A sex ther­a­pist would most likely know if there’s any ED-sup­port group in your area.

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