Re­con­fig­ur­ing the map for Canada’s new states

The Intelligencer (Belleville) - - NEWS - VIC­TOR SCHUKOV

Now that the Euro­peans share a com­mon cur­rency ( I’m a lit­tle late; I don’t fol­low the news much) there is re­cur­ring talk of even­tu­ally form­ing a sovereignty associated United States of Europe. The Euro­peans have never been shy to re­draw their coun­tries’ borders, and have done so, many times both be­fore and af­ter two world wars. The dis­solv­ing of the USSR alone is a very large matzo ball in re­cent his­tory. Their maps may as well be done on an Etch- a- Sketch.

Over on our side of the big pond, North Amer­ica’s re­draws have been yawn­ers by com­par­i­son:

The new states of Alaska and Hawaii ( 1959) and Canada’s New­found­land ( 1949) and Nu­navut ( 1999). It seems like the colonies are not as ad­ven­ture­some as the old im­pe­rial mother lands.

Here in Canada, it’s high time we rein­vented our­selves to suit the chang­ing world. Funny, we named our cur­rency af­ter that of the United States ( We even re­fer to our gov­ern­ment as “fed­eral”) but prud­ish about adopt­ing the term ‘ state.’ Be­ing ” stately” clearly has more class than be­ing “pro­vin­cial,” no? Fol­low­ing the Euro­pean lead, I think we should re­name our­selves The United States of Canada. And we should re­draw the map of Canada to re­flect mod­ern times. Here are my sug­ges­tions for 13 Cana­dian states with some new names:

Di­verse Columbia: For­merly British Columbia, but let’s face it, there has been a cul­tural shift.

Wil­drose: For­merly Al­berta. But with oil money even at half its former price comes grow­ing cries for in­de­pen­dence. So name it af­ter the next party that will rule for­ever.

Rider Na­tion: For­merly Saskatchewan. The name re­flects the re­gion’s main pre­oc­cu­pa­tion: Its CFL team.

Man­i­toba: Good as is. ( I don’t know what it means, any­way. Prob­a­bly, ‘ Geez there are a lot of mos­qui­toes here’ in na­tive lingo.)

On­tario is way too big to man­age, as is, so split it into two states: West­ern On­tario and East­ern On­tario. Neat and nice.

At­lantis: The classi­est name of all in­cor­po­rates most of New Brunswick, Nova Sco­tia, ( you are too small to be a prov­ince) P. E. I. and New­found­land ( named af­ter a wrestler, The Rock.)

Aca­dia: The re­main­ing ( to be de­ter­mined) parts of the present At­lantic prov­inces that are mainly pop­u­lated by sep­a­ra­tion- minded Aca­di­ans. Give the peo­ple what they want, I say. They al­ready have their own flag which, when I first saw, I thought was the flag of Cuba.

Yukon: Our ver­sion of Alaska, it’s time has come.

New Nu­navut: Add to this the north­ern half of Que­bec ( which had been a gift from Canada to Que­bec long ago) and all of Labrador. This would now be the largest state in the Cana­dian union. This is fair be­cause the res­i­dents are mostly orig­i­nal na­tives of this land and should re­spect­fully have the big­gest piece of the pie.

Turks and Caicos: Our ver­sion of Amer­ica’s Hawaii. Think of the tourism busi­ness from our cold end.

Mon­treal ( a city state): Mostly fed­er­al­ist any­way, this would put to rest the de­bates over bilin­gual­ism, char­ter of val­ues and Que­bec’s ref­er­en­dum hang­overs.

Que­bec: Will now be com­prised of what it pretty much was to start with, be­fore Canada tripled their land: The mid­dle part down to the U. S. bor­der, not in­clud­ing Mon­treal.

The United States of Canada - has a nice ring to it, you think?

Okay, be­fore you get up­set: The United States will have to change its name since Europe and Canada have horned in on the term. How about: The United States of the South­ern Half of North Amer­ica?

Okay, for­get I brought the whole thing up.

Is it time for Canada to re­con­sider its map?

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