Dad’s rough horseplay looks a lot like abuse
DEAR ABBY: I am a grandmother and great-grandmother who is concerned about the behaviour of my grandson toward his seven-year-old daughter, “Beth,” and her nine-yearold cousin, “Mandy.” When Mandy recently visited me, she told me her uncle crept up behind her, put his hand over her mouth and then held her nose so she couldn’t breathe. She said he has done that to Beth, too.
Mandy said he held her like that until she felt faint and then let go, laughing. Apparently he does this “all in fun,” but I see nothing funny about it. What would make someone do something like this? Mandy told me Beth is afraid of her dad and doesn’t want to be left alone with him. I’m very concerned, but I live several states away and don’t know what I can do. – NOT FUNNY
DEAR NOT FUNNY: Your grandson has a bizarre sense of humour. That he would smother anyone – let alone a child – to the point of fainting is sadistic, bullying, abusive behaviour.
Talk to the child’s mother to see how she feels about this. If he would do this to a child, one can only imagine what he may be doing to her. She is the person to put a stop to this. If she can’t manage that, any child in the home should be living elsewhere.
DEAR ABBY: I’m the father of three beautiful, healthy children, with another due soon. My wife is 36 weeks pregnant and so far, so good. My wife is, well, perfect. We are not newlyweds and we have seen highs and lows, but she’s the greatest mother I could have asked for my children.
The problem? She wants to induce her labour early. She figures the baby is healthy enough and just gaining weight from here on (her OB/GYN agrees). I know she has done enough and I want to support her decision, but I can’t help thinking our baby girl will come when she is ready. I don’t want to cause any ripples this late in the game. I just feel I’m on thin ice here and in the minority. I don’t want to drag my mom into this to prove a point. – EMOTIONAL DAD IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR EMOTIONAL: If your wife’s OB/GYN agrees inducing your wife’s labour early will not be harmful to the baby, and that’s what your wife wants, you are outvoted. While you might request a second medical opinion, I strongly advise against dragging your mother into this disagreement because if you do, it will cause resentment not only against you but also your mother.
DEAR ABBY: I have a granddaughter who is getting married soon. If I give the couple money as a wedding gift, whose name should go on the cheque first, the bride’s or the groom’s? – GRANDPA IN IOWA
DEAR GRANDPA: If your granddaughter and her fiance intend to have separate chequing accounts, put her name on the cheque. However, if they will be opening a joint account after the wedding, it would make sense to put both of their names on it, and the order in which you list the names is whichever you prefer.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif., 90069.