Wife hates hus­band’s secret habit

The Recorder & Times (Brockville) - - ENTERTAINMENT - AMY DICK­IN­SON Email: askamy@tri­bune.com Twit­ter: @ask­ingamyt

Dear Amy: I have been mar­ried al­most 15 years to a man I first knew in high school. I first be­came aware of his prob­lem sev­eral years ago, when I found a bra hang­ing in our laun­dry room that was not my size. Fi­nally, my hus­band con­fessed he’d bought it for him­self. He said it was a one-time oc­cur­rence.

Af­ter he re­turned from a busi­ness trip, I found more women’s lin­gerie. He as­sured me this would not oc­cur again. Then, I found a white gown and panties in his back­pack in the trunk of his car. Yes, I was snoop­ing, be­cause I re­mained sus­pi­cious.

He wrote me an email telling me he was fas­ci­nated with fe­male lin­gerie. I de­cided that he had a fetish, and sought mar­i­tal coun­selling. He at­tended, but he didn’t think it helped. I told him then that if he had to make these pur­chases I did not want to ever know about them, and I’d bet­ter not ever find ev­i­dence.

Last week I dis­cov­ered two emails on his phone (yes, I was snoop­ing again) where he has or­dered al­most $1,000 of lin­gerie AND women’s cloth­ing.

He also has a secret post of­fice box where these ship­ments are de­liv­ered.

I sent him a letter to the P.O. box ask­ing him WHY he has it, and WHY he was buy­ing women’s cloth­ing.

So far, he hasn’t ac­knowl­edged the letter.

Our re­la­tion­ship has suf­fered be­cause I feel be­trayed. I do not feel loved, re­spected or cared for.

I think I still love him, but this be­hav­iour dis­gusts me (maybe it shouldn’t). Your advice? — CON­FUSED WIFE

Dear Wife: Cross-dress­ing (or per­haps only pur­chas­ing women’s cloth­ing) is ob­vi­ously a very im­por­tant part of your hus­band’s life. It is shock­ing to me that your ther­a­pist didn’t help you to talk about this dur­ing your ses­sions. The way you two com­mu­ni­cate — via email and now postal letter — is pas­sive and one-sided. You both seem to ba­si­cally throw down and then run away.

In­stead of in­sist­ing that your hus­band stop do­ing some­thing that he won’t stop do­ing, you might seek to un­der­stand it by dis­cussing it with him, sus­pend­ing your dis­gust and judg­ment un­til you feel you un­der­stand this im­pulse.

You say you feel unloved and be­trayed, but I can imag­ine that your hus­band might feel this way, too.

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