Can for­mer flames be­come fast friends?

Tillsonburg News - - ENTERTAINMENT - AMY Dick­in­son Email: askamy@tri­bune.com Twit­ter: @ask­ingamy

Ask Amy

i had an in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship with a won­der­ful man for more than three years.

we met when i hired his com­pany to do a project for me. we de­vel­oped not only a great per­sonal re­la­tion­ship, but a won­der­ful work­ing re­la­tion­ship, as well. we have worked suc­cess­fully to­gether on mul­ti­ple projects.

he was for­mally sep­a­rated from his wife when we met. they re­cently de­cided to rec­on­cile for the sake of their (teenage) chil­dren. he told me he still wants to be pla­tonic friends and that he “will al­ways be there” for me. i know he is sin­cere, and he con­tin­ues to text me oc­ca­sion­ally.

nat­u­rally, i was heart­bro­ken. i am work­ing hard to get over my feel­ings for him by stay­ing busy. how­ever, when he texts me, it re­opens the wound. in ad­di­tion, we have a new project start­ing and work­ing to­gether will be chal­leng­ing. i am try­ing to work solely with his part­ner, but will even­tu­ally need to work di­rectly with him, some­thing i al­ways looked for­ward to un­til now.

i would like to be able to work with him, and don’t want to lose the great friend­ship we had, but i re­ally don’t know how to be pla­tonic friends af­ter an in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship. is it even pos­si­ble to main­tain a friend­ship and work­ing re­la­tion­ship af­ter be­ing in­ti­mately in­volved with some­one? if so, how?

— paSt Flame/ work­ing Friend

need to keep a dis­ci­plined at­ti­tude to­ward this per­son. ask him not to text you. Com­mu­ni­cate pri­mar­ily with his part­ner. don’t spend time alone with him. ba­si­cally, you are go­ing to have to turn the page.

be aware that you have more of an in­cen­tive to change than he does, be­cause this likely hurts you more than it hurts him.

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