It’s time for the defenders of Christmas to regroup
In any war, you must plan your battles carefully.
The Great Siege of Malta, the Tumu Crisis, the Battle of Hastings, the Raid on the Medway, history books are crammed with military conflicts that ended in disaster for one side. When he was exiled to St. Helena, how many times a day did Napoleon Bonaparte relive the Battle of Waterloo and shake his head with disbelief? To win a war, you must know when to fight and when to regroup. This is what separates a found victory from a lost cause. For example, I just smile and grab the scooper whenever my wife says, “Did you clean the litter box today?”
Do I ever think, “Why don’t you do it?” All the time. Is there any upside in articulating this sentiment? None at all.
If I so much as sigh, my wife will return fire and carpet-bomb me with a list of all the things she does around here. It’s an unfair fight. Defeat is inevitable. If I engage, that kitty loo will become my Waterloo.
Which brings us to the war on Christmas.
A decade ago, when people such as Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter were brigadier-generals in this social conflict, the battles were easier to follow. Depending on the theatre of operation, the enemy was atheists or liberals or secular humanists or libertarians or some combination of all four, most often identified as “moonbats.” The enemy was never a coffee cup. But in the war on Christmas, in the year 2015, the enemy is now a coffee cup. Specifically, it is a “holiday cup” from the church of Starbucks. It is a disposable vessel that is poppy red on top, fading to dark cranberry below. Since this ombré does not include seasonal iconography — sleighs, jingle bells, snowflakes — some on the front lines of the war are convinced it is an act of aggression.
Alas, the only thing this brouhaha — brew-haha? — proves is that defenders in the war on Christmas are starting to see demons where none exist.
I’m pretty sure “caramel macchiato” or “peppermint mocha espresso” do not appear in the Bible. I’m also sure a multinational that worships at the altar of profit and operates 23,000 locations in 68 global markets understands the value of inclusion.
Accusing Starbucks of being antiChristian is like accusing Tim Hortons of being anti-Hindu because your doubledouble didn’t come in a special Diwali cup on Wednesday; in a pluralistic society, that’s the way it goes.
The soldiers on high alert in the war on Christmas are now deep in a valley of futility. They can continue to adopt an adversarial position.
They can keep pointing their pistols at shadows.
They can keep fighting, now alongside Donald Trump.
Or they can realize this is going nowhere and revamp the battle plan.
Instead of being on the defensive, instead of being convinced there is a conspiracy to scrub Christmas from existence, why not accentuate the spirit of the season? The war has spilled from schools to government offices to popular culture.
But coffee houses are never a wise venue for spiritual enlightenment.
It would be so much wiser for believers to accentuate the positive, to shine a light on the material absurdities that are at odds with the true meaning of Christmas.
They could start a dialogue on fellowship and decency just by pointing to some of the hideous things celebrities say about one another on social media. They could make a statement about generosity, giving and the growing divide be- tween the rich and the poor just by itemizing the insane purchases made at auction houses in recent days: $170.4 million for a Modigliani painting; $7.3 million for a Patek Philippe watch; $2.4 million for a guitar once belonging to John Lennon. They can ask why a man in Vancouver waited four days in the rain to drop $36,000 on a bottle of 50year-old Glenfiddich this weekend. Or wonder why Gisele Bundchen’s new coffee table book cost $700 or why H&M is hawking a dress for $649 — and why both sold out faster than you can say Bethlehem.
Here’s the thing: there is no war on Christmas.
But the true meaning of Christmas keeps getting buried under an endless cycle of pointless skirmishes waged by those with a political end game. Worrying about what’s on the outside of your coffee cup is to silently mock those who don’t get enough to drink or eat.
There was a time when this would be the real outrage. vmenon@thestar.ca