Toronto Star

A teacher begins a year of ‘Something Else’

- Uzma Jalaluddin

Who am I without my job?

This past August and September, I watched the parade of back-toschool commercial­s without any of the usual butterflie­s and nightmares.

This is because for the first time in 13 years, I did not report for active teacher duty.

I have traded in my classroom for civilian life; I am on a one-year leave of absence. Twelve whole months away from a career I enjoy. “Sabbatical” sounds too stuffy — I’m not doing vital research. “Gap Year” is for restless teenagers and I’m too content with my lot for a mid-life crisis. So this is Something Else.

I’m wondering who I’ll end up being this year without a steady income and the comforting identity of my job. Teaching shapes my days and years, dictates the rhythm of my life. Now what?

I hope I’ll be a hardworkin­g writer and world traveller. I’m afraid I will end up a Netflix connoisseu­r and unapprecia­ted housewife. My colleagues ask if I’m bored yet; my parents expect frequent visits. I’m even starting to miss talking to teenagers.

Since the whole point of this leave is to exchange money for time (one being more fleeting than the other, I reason) I don’t have any concrete expectatio­ns. This is a mistake.

Never let school-aged children know that your schedule for the next 10 months is wide open. They start thinking they can make plans for you.

“Can you drop off a hot lunch every day? Can we go to Hollywood? I’m not feeling so good, can you pick me up from school? I forgot it was picture day, can you bring my nice blue shirt?” are some of the requests my kids lobbed at me in the first few weeks, just to see what would stick.

So I try setting the ground rules when Ibrahim is home from school with a stomach ache (though I suspect he just wants to spy on me).

“I’m very busy Ibrahim. You can nap, read or draw. But I’m very, VERY busy.”

I can practicall­y see the thought bubble above his head: The Lady doth protest too much, methinks. Also, challenge accepted!

First he asks for lunch at 11 a.m. (so much for the stomach ache). Then his 30-minute nap lasts two hours, during which he wanders into my room to check the time, bestow a hug, look for a book and sneak a peek at my laptop. He is a terrible spy.

At dinner that night I explain to my kids, yet again, that I will not be dropping off a hot lunch the next day because I am very, VERY busy.

“You were on Facebook when I came into your room,” Ibrahim says.

“What about the other 15 times you checked up on me?”

“I don’t think I should speak any more,” he wisely answers.

Reimaginin­g yourself in your late 30s is no easy task. Even my 8-yearold wants to know what I do with my time.

Who am I, and what is it that I want out of this day, and every day afterwards for the next year?

These are the types of questions I have started asking myself during my school-free hours. I thought I might develop an interest in leafy green vegetables, meditation and daily physical activity. Turns out, extra time does not guarantee a personalit­y transplant.

So this is what I have concluded: What I really want is quiet and long hours to write and think. I hope to write a novel, a comedy because I love to laugh. Also, removal from routine allows me to view my life in panorama, not close-up.

The view is different from here — softened by distance, sharpened by a new perspectiv­e.

I have realized I’m pretty boring. But that’s OK. Acceptance is the first step.

Right now, I’m just grateful for this brief recess before my world starts playing in fast forward once more. At least until next summer, when those irritating back-to-school ads come jangling along and sweep me back, unpausing the button I pressed on my way to Something Else last June. Uzma Jalaluddin is a high school teacher in the York Region. She writes about parenting and other life adventures. Reach her at ujalaluddi­n@outlook.com.

 ?? AARON HARRIS FOR THE TORONTO STAR ?? In an effort to exchange money for time, Uzma Jalaluddin took a 12-month leave of absence from her job as a teacher to focus on writing and travelling.
AARON HARRIS FOR THE TORONTO STAR In an effort to exchange money for time, Uzma Jalaluddin took a 12-month leave of absence from her job as a teacher to focus on writing and travelling.
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