Se­nior par­ents hit up for fancy wed­ding


Toronto Sun - - LIFE - DICKINSON Askamy­ @ask­ingamy

DEAR AMY: My 29-year-old step­daugh­ter, “Jamie,” is get­ting mar­ried next year to a man she has lived with for three years.

They are both pro­fes­sion­als with good-pay­ing jobs. They own a home.

Some time ago, Jamie e-mailed my hus­band

(her dad) ask­ing how much he could con­trib­ute to the wed­ding.

She did not tell us where she wanted to get mar­ried, or the cost.

We are both re­tired with a lim­ited in­come, and my hus­band and I agreed on an amount we could af­ford.

When we told Jamie what we could give her, she didn’t say a word.

How­ever, we dis­cov­ered later that she had com­plained to her mother (my hus­band’s ex), who then con­tacted my hus­band to be­rate him be­cause Jamie’s cho­sen wed­ding venue is ex­tremely ex­pen­sive.

Since then, we have not heard from her for the past sev­eral months, and she has com­pletely left us out of her wed­ding plan­ning ac­tiv­i­ties.

We ex­pect that the only time we’ll hear from her is when she wants a cheque.

The whole thing is rub­bing me the wrong way.

How do you sug­gest we han­dle this?

— DIS­MAYED STEP-MOM DEAR DIS­MAYED: What you should NOT do is to in­jure your­selves fi­nan­cially to pay for some­one else’s dream wed­ding. Mar­ry­ing cou­ples should host wed­dings they can af­ford, and should be re­spon­si­ble for fi­nanc­ing their own wed­dings. One way to do this is by gath­er­ing pledges from their par­ents, and there is noth­ing wrong with that. At this point, you have agreed to an amount, you felt guilted into giv­ing more, and that should be the end of it.

At this point she is play­ing her di­vorced par­ents off of each other. Her fa­ther should ex­press his dis­ap­point­ment in her en­ti­tled be­hav­iour. I hope you and your hus­band don’t suc­cumb to fur­ther fi­nan­cial pres­sure.

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