D2 Trump: There’s nowhere to hide

The 2016 U.S. Presidential Election is the most important election in the history of the world ever this year. That’s a message I’ve been hearing while I allowed myself to get sucked into the 24-hour news coverage of the Republican National Convention in Cleveland also known by the hashtag #RNCinCLE. This follows in the rich history of reducing big political moments into nonsensical hashtag characters such as #GttysbrgAddy or #DumpTheTea or #GorbyWall.

And speaking of nonsensical characters (I bet you think I’m going to say Donald Trump, right?) how about that Donald Trump?

I have had CNN playing in the background for the past few days and nights and I’ve been watching Donald’s former foes in the race for the Republican nomination take the stage in Cleveland to tell crowds that this guy they were calling a dangerous, lying, manipulative, bigoted, megalomaniac meanie pants a few months ago, well, er, he’s uh, he’s actually not a bad guy.

It’s all a little overwhelming and yet I cannot stop watching. Hillary worships Saul Alinsky and Lucifer! Lock her up! Hillary wants to kill the Second Amendment and take our guns! Lock her up! Entresto can seriously harm or kill a baby! Loc- oops, sorry, that was just a commercial for heart medication. See?! See what this CNN wall-to-wall convention coverage is doing to me?!

So what can I do? What can you do? Eddie, my wiener dog, seems to have the right idea. He spends a few hours watching the #RNCinCLE but when he reaches a breaking point, he retreats to the back patio and lays down to bake in the sun for a while. Once he’s recharged, he’ll come back to CNN for a bit then back to the patio.

It’s a good stress buster. Eddie might be meditating if dogs can meditate. My daughter coined the term “lizarding” for his behaviour.

This is the same daughter who just turned 17. I’m really not sure how that happened. One day they’re playing with Barbie dolls and watching “Elmo” then all of a sudden they’re kind of like almost grown-ups. Or at least they think they are.

Anyway, off topic, I’m very proud of her. I told her that and she questioned why I didn’t really acknowledge her birthday. I told her I posted about it on Facebook and she was forced to withdraw her allegation.

So, how does a teenager manage the stress of not just being in the middle of the most important election in the history of the world ever this year but just the stress of life in general? They have stresses of their own. There’s the stress of choosing courses that will impact them for the rest of their lives. I remember choosing typing in Grade 9. Most useful course I ever took. Then there’s the stress of fitting in with peers, young love and just general socialization. And then there’s this whole Taylor versus Kimye thing.

I do not know what those words I just typed mean, but apparently it is something B-I-G.

Well, my kid’s latest relaxing pastime is hunting Pokemons (or Pokemen?). Yes, this week she waded into the phenomenon that is Pokemon Go — the mobile phone game that has kids and actual grown-ups playing a video game that’s set in the real world. They are roaming the streets, eyes glued to their phones, searching for imaginary creatures.

The Pokemon obsession has led to incidents of trespassing and even breaking and entering as people pursued Pokemons onto private property to more serious accidents — people following their phones have walked off cliffs and driven into trees.

But it is fun. That’s what my daughter says. And so do gazillions of other people. It feels like right now you either need to be part of the Pokemon-chasing hordes or part of the anti-Hillary, or anti-Trump mobs. It can be too much to handle.

I’m going to file this column then go lie down on some patio stones. Move over Eddie.