Late Night Laughs

Waterloo Region Record - - NIGHT LIFE -

Jimmy Fal­lon

“Rus­sia was banned from the Olympics. But Rus­sia doesn’t mind — they said they’ll just in­vade some other teams.

Co­nan O’Brien

“A spokes­woman for Roy Moore has de­fended him, say­ing there are plenty of women in Alabama that he didn’t sex­u­ally abuse. She said, ‘We pre­fer to look at the glass as ‘half-un-groped.’

“Rus­sia has been banned from the Win­ter Olympics. But don’t feel bad, Rus­sia — even though you won’t win any gold medals, you did win the U.S. pres­i­den­tial elec­tion.”

James Cor­den

“Olympic of­fi­cials first got sus­pi­cious that Rus­sians were us­ing per­for­mance-en­hanc­ing drugs when the Rus­sians set a new speed record for ski­ing UP the moun­tain.”

Seth Mey­ers

“An Ital­ian win­ery is re­leas­ing five lim­ited-edi­tion bot­tles of Hello Kitty-themed wine for the hol­i­day sea­son. It’s the perfect gift for your al­co­holic niece.

“Ac­cord­ing to a new poll, 71 per cent of Amer­i­can men be­lieve they face pres­sure to act in­ter­ested in sports. ‘Not us!’ said the New York Gi­ants.

“Tonight is Kram­pus Night. So, if you see some­one crawl­ing in through your win­dow and ter­ror­iz­ing your kids, that’s Roy Moore.”

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