Things that get in the way of a dead­line

Waterloo Region Record - - Arts & Life - DREW ED­WARDS Drew Ed­wards en­joys pro­cras­ti­nat­ing. He can be reached at drew@drewed­wards.ca … even­tu­ally.

OK, I’ve got some writ­ing to do and a dead­line so let’s get to it.

But first things first, cof­fee. Need to have a lit­tle jet fuel to get the brain in gear, the fin­gers primed for some su­per speedy, moder­ately jit­tery typ­ing. We’ll fix the ty­pos later.

Now we’re set. Man, that’s good cof­fee. I won­der what the best­selling cof­fee in Canada is? I’ll just Google it and find out ... Tim Hor­tons is No. 1. McCafe is No. 2. OK, that’s de­press­ing. I wish I hadn’t looked that up. I think I’ll have a piece of choco­late to make my­self feel bet­ter.

Time to get down to busi­ness. A lit­tle mu­sic will help me fo­cus my thoughts. Where are my head­phones? Not those head­phones, the other ones. Ah yes, un­der all th­ese pa­pers on my desk. I should re­ally tidy up a bit, or­ga­nize my space so I can or­ga­nize my thoughts. Ewwww, how long has this been here and why is stuck to the desk? I’ll have to get into the dish­washer with­out my wife see­ing.

All cleaned up. Or as clean as it’s go­ing to get, any­way. I’ll do the rest later. Now, where was I? Ah yes, mu­sic! Open up the iTunes ... Oh good, “the rental pe­riod for The Spy Who Dumped Me has ended.” There’s $4.99 of my money I should have just set on fire. I will click the “do not show this mes­sage again” but­ton and hope that ap­plies to the movie as well.

OK, got the tunes picked, here we go. Writ­ing isn’t an art, it’s a craft: I need to take a work­man­like ap­proach. Noth­ing fancy, just bang it out. We can pol­ish it later. Make it sing. Or at least yo­del. Maybe clear its throat po­litely. Ei­ther way, we don’t have to hit a home run on ev­ery swing, just a sin­gle will do. But you have to ac­tu­ally walk to the plate.

A walk! That’s a great idea. The dog needs to go out any­way and some fresh air will get the creative juices flow­ing. I’ll come back in a bet­ter frame of mind and the words will just mag­i­cally ap­pear on the page.

Er, not so much.

It took me for­ever to find my boots, hat, gloves, the right jacket (not one of the 13 in the closet), the dog’s leash, col­lar and poop bags (which I never did find). The dog found poop, how­ever, rolling around in some deer fe­ces (please, please let it be deer fe­ces) in the for­est area near our house. I got him cleaned up, sorta, but there’s a faint whiff of some­thing nasty I just can’t shake ...

I did come up with a good idea, though, which is great be­cause my dead­line is re­ally com­ing up fast. I even got the first sen­tence down.

“Hey Ed­i­tor. Can I have an ex­ten­sion please?”

‘‘ Writ­ing isn’t an art, it’s a craft: I need to take a work­man­like ap­proach. Noth­ing fancy, just bang it out. We can pol­ish it later. Make it sing. Or at least yo­del. Maybe clear its throat po­litely. Ei­ther way, we don’t have to hit a home run on ev­ery swing, just a sin­gle will do. But you have to ac­tu­ally walk to the plate.

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