CANADIAN HISTORY OUR WAY.
In a development that nobody could have possibly predicted, the CBC historical series The Story of Us is so bad that it ended up spurring an apology from the broadcaster. The chief complaint has been that this attempted history of one of the world’s most heterogeneous nations wasn’t “inclusive” enough. Whether you’re Acadian, Mi’kmaq, French-Canadian, Persian, Sephardic Jewish, Lowland Cree or just a Mormon Calgarian of GermanJamaican extraction born between 1950 and 1965, you can rightly complain that the CBC failed to include an episode telling your precise story. Clearly, the problem is too many Canadians. This is why Tristin Hopper of the National Post now presents The Story of Them, six historical events that took place in Canada — but featured few to no Canadian main characters.
WE PARALYZED FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT
FDR historians roundly agree that if the 32nd president had never contracted polio, he never would have developed the drive and determination to become one of the 20th century’s most influential figures — most notably as a driving force behind the end of the Second World War. So, if you’re currently living in a non-fascist European country, you’re welcome; a 39-year-old Franklin Roosevelt was paralyzed by polio during a 1921 visit to New Brunswick.
AFTER WINNING THE BATTLE OF THE LITTLE BIGHORN, THE VICTORS FLED TO CANADA
The 1876 Battle of the Little Bighorn, which saw the virtual annihilation of a U.S. cavalry regiment at the hands of a combined Native American force, ranks as one of the greatest Indigenous military triumphs of the post-contact era. But the victors knew full well that their feat would spur quick and brutal vengeance from an enraged United States. A party of Sioux led by Sitting Bull eventually moved into what is now Saskatchewan, beyond the reach of U.S. authorities. Canada’s North West Mounted Police would soon be instrumental in crushing Saskatchewan’s Métis-led Northwest Rebellion, but Sitting Bull reportedly got along with the frontier force just fine — even becoming close friends with local NWMP officer James Walsh. (And unlike any of the other events on this list, this one got a “rahrah” Historica Minute starring Graham Greene.)
A BANK OF ENGLAND GOVERNOR WAS PUTZING AROUND IN CANADA WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTING THE GREAT DEPRESSION
It’s 1931; the world economy is in free fall, panicked citizens are stampeding banks and Montagu Norman, the governor of the Bank of England, is feeling “queer” in Canada, as he referred to his condition in his diary. An eccentric figure recognizable for his villain-esque pointy beard, Norman was the one man on earth with the greatest power to prevent the coming catastrophe — but he also had a reputation for mental breakdowns. That is why, at the moment of greatest peril, Norman collapsed under the stress and hopped a steamship to Quebec. During his extended absence, the Bank of England was forced to take the radical step of ditching the gold standard without their boss’s input.
THE MEN WHO ASSASSINATED TOP NAZI REINHARD HEYDRICH REPORTEDLY TRAINED IN ONTARIO
Reinhard Heydrich was one of the most powerful figures in the Third Reich and the chief architect of the Holocaust. In May 1942, during Heydrich’s morning commute to work in Prague, two Czech paratroopers emerged from the woods and hit his Mercedes with pistol fire and a makeshift bomb. It was a key message to Nazi leadership that not even they were safe, but it came at the price of a terrible retribution on the local population carried out by the SS. According to the history book A Man Called Intrepid, much of the assassination plot was planned from Camp X, a top-secret military installation located between the towns of Whitby and Oshawa, east of Toronto. It’s now the site of Intrepid Park.
FOUNDER OF MODERN CHINA A FUGITIVE IN 1911 CANADA
To white people in pre-First World War Canada, he was just another “Chinaman” — and that’s exactly how Sun Yat-sen wanted it. Travelling under false papers (he was wanted by the British), the revolutionary was touring through Western Canadian Chinese communities to raise funding and support to overthrow China’s 250-year-old Qing dynasty. It was on one of these tours that Sun got word of a spontaneous revolution in China, and rushed home to become head of a provisional government. Much political chaos lay in China’s future, but mere months after he had been talking up China’s destiny in Calgary, Victoria, Vancouver and Winnipeg, Sun was laying the groundwork of a political legacy for which he is still a revered figure throughout all Chinese political spectrums.
A POLISH GENERAL STOLE SOVIET MISSILES IN EXCHANGE FOR A QUEBEC TOMBSTONE
In the 1980s, the CIA was trying to supply surface-to-air missiles to jihadists fighting the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. But to cover up evidence of CIA involvement, the missiles needed to be sourced from a non-U.S. country — ideally the Soviet Union itself. A rogue Polish general happily obliged, but on the condition that the CIA put up a tombstone in Quebec in honour of his grandfather. Unable to find work in Poland, the grandfather had worked in Canada as a young man. “When he returned years later, he had filled his grandson, the future general, with a sense of the wonder of Canada and a hatred for what the Communists had done to enslave Poland,” wrote author George Crile in the book Charlie Wilson’s War.