Don’t change your­self to fit his fam­ily, be­liefs

Winnipeg Free Press - Section D - - FOOD -

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in des­per­ate need of ad­vice. I’m 22 and have been dat­ing a guy that is 25, for about 10 months or so. We have the best re­la­tion­ship. We get along well, al­ways go­ing out and do­ing new things and es­sen­tially want the same things out of life. He’s such a good guy and has an ex­cel­lent fu­ture ahead of him. How­ever, he comes from a very reli­gious and strict fam­ily and they have a huge influence over him. I re­ally never get to spend time alone with him. It’s al­ways in pub­lic. Lately, I can’t stop bring­ing it up and try­ing to fix it. But it’s re­ally not in the fu­ture for us any­time soon un­less he starts ig­nor­ing the fam­ily and makes an ef­fort with me. He is a very con­ser­va­tive per­son and I am lib­eral in many ways. I don’t want this lack of ro­mance killing a once in a life­time re­la­tion­ship. I’m start­ing to think it will if he doesn’t ditch the fam­ily’s views. — Frus­trated Girl­friend, Charleswood

Dear Frus­trated: This guy is miss­ing the re­bel­lion gene. If you don’t want to end up be­ing led around by the nose by his par­ents for the rest of your life and told how to raise your chil­dren, you are go­ing to have to look for a new guy. Look for one who is just as com­pat­i­ble in­ter­est-wise but not so reli­gious and con­ser­va­tive. And think about this: At 25 years old, your boyfriend is pretty much the man he’s go­ing to be. What 25-year-old guy would be kow­tow­ing to the par­ents like this un­less he didn’t agree with that them he should not en­joy a pri­vate life or a sex life with a woman un­til he’s mar­ried? Why should you al­ways be dat­ing in pub­lic af­ter 10 months? Sex is what he’s avoid­ing here. You say you’re a lib­eral per­son but you’re go­ing to have to be­come more like his par­ents if you want him. That’s not you. Why would you bend your­self out of shape like that?

Dear Re­tail Queen: Your ar­gu­ment makes per­fect sense to me, but peo­ple who abuse store clerks don’t have the same per­spec­tive. They see re­tail staff as ser­vants, and feel they can talk down to them. Other con-artist types who re­turn clothes they’ve worn, see clerks as a chal­lenge — peo­ple they will try to trick. Some peo­ple have whole wardrobes that don’t hang in their clos­ets for more than a few nights. They buy clothes and wear them to a wed­ding so­cial or a bar, or even on a trip, and then re­turn the worn sweaty clothes after­wards and de­mand their money back. How do you rea­son with that kind of mind­set? To them it’s just a game to see what they can get away with.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in re­sponse to the let­ter from Abused. I have been in re­tail for many years and en­coun­tered many chal­leng­ing sce­nar­ios such as this. Cus­tomers need to re­mem­ber two things: 1) Be­ing rea­son­able and po­lite will of­ten get you what you want with­out hav­ing to be ar­gu­men­ta­tive. Those of us in re­tail are happy to be flex­i­ble with clients who are re­spect­ful and un­der­stand­ing of the fact that we have poli­cies we’re expected to fol­low. 2) Think of be­ing the next cus­tomer buy­ing the item you want to re­turn? Would you like to wear an out­fit that smelled of body odour? “Lost tags” are a pretty safe bet that a gar­ment has been worn. We don’t make it dif­fi­cult for cus­tomers to re­turn things. In fact, we’re just try­ing to pro­tect cus­tomers from buy­ing some­thing used. — Re­tail Queen, Win­nipeg



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