Garage-sale karma will come crash­ing down

Winnipeg Free Press - Section D - - ARTS & LIFE -

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I re­cently went garage-sale shop­ping and ended up at three sales in a row where the same ig­no­rant glass col­lec­tor showed up with her loud-mouthed girl­friend. We had iden­ti­cal tastes in garage­sale trea­sures and ended up in a war of words by the sec­ond sale. I won! But af­ter I took the glass item to my car, which had the win­dows down, I went back to get my sec­ond bag of stuff and thank­fully I turned around just in time to see the loud­mouth girl­friend lift the item out of my car win­dow.

I yelled, “Put that back or I’ll call the cops.” She fired it back in the car and it crashed and broke. I re­ally wanted to get in her face, but my hus­band said, “For 14 bucks, just let it go.” I know her plate num­ber and can’t stand let­ting her get away with this. What should I do? — Garage Sale War­rior, River Heights

Dear War­rior: Po­lice don’t have time for garage-sale wars, but never fear. Garage-sale karma comes quickly when you have the same tastes and shop in the same neigh­bour­hoods. You will run into this nasty duo again be­fore sea­son’s end. Then you can point your fin­ger and say loudly in front of ev­ery­one, “You’re the woman who tried to steal some­thing out of my car at a garage sale!” Hope­fully, you’ll see the loud­mouth hus­tle out to her car while ev­ery­body else gapes. Ei­ther that, or she’ll call you a liar and the fight is on. Re­mem­ber to keep it ver­bal.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I re­cently went on a date with a large man. To be blunt, he was tall and fat. I was OK with that be­cause my dad had the same build, and I kind of like a moun­tain man. Un­for­tu­nately, he took me out to a new res­tau­rant in the city and was so fas­ci­nated with the menu he al­most for­got I was there. Money was no ob­ject for him, so he or­dered two en­trées with all the trim­mings and I or­dered a fancy salad. Af­ter he wolfed down the two meals, I still had some salad left, and he asked, “Are you go­ing to eat that?” I just pushed it over to­ward him in dis­gust and said, “Have at it!” Then he or­dered him­self dessert, cof­fee and a liqueur.

I told the waiter I would like some white wine dur­ing din­ner, but my date said, “No, no we’ll have a liqueur later.” I got noth­ing but my food and a glass of ice wa­ter on the ta­ble. Then I asked to go home. This guy had more con­ver­sa­tion with the waiter than he had with me. When we got to my house, he asked if I would like to have brunch with him on Sun­day. I glared at him and said, “You’ve got to be kid­ding!” and got out of the car. That jerk keeps call­ing and I keep brush­ing him off. What should I do? — Dis­gusted With Mr. Pig, St. Boni­face

Dear Dis­gusted: Tell this guy the truth. Let him know it was dis­gust­ing to watch him eat two whole din­ners, ask for more from your plate, top it with dessert and liqueurs and not even or­der the wine you had re­quested. Ask him what he learned about you on this first date when he didn’t even ask any ques­tions. Tell him you’re look­ing for a friend and love part­ner, not an eat­ing buddy. That’s what his male friends are for — he can pig out with them to his heart’s de­light.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is plan­ning a big 25th an­niver­sary party for us, but she doesn’t know I’m plan­ning to leave her in the next few months. I don’t want her to spend all this money of ours when we’re go­ing to be sep­a­rated soon af­ter. She has al­ways loved throw­ing par­ties and I hate to deny her this last plea­sure, but it seems like a waste of time and it will be ex­tra em­bar­rass­ing when she looks back on it.

I don’t have a new woman yet, but I am sick of be­ing in this sex­less sham of a mar­riage I can’t wait to find one. Don’t sug­gest coun­selling as we have been done for years, ever since I caught her hav­ing an af­fair. Af­ter that, I couldn’t get aroused by her, but I can get plenty aroused by other women. I can’t wait to leave, but have to make it through a few more months for rea­sons I won’t ex­plain here. This mar­riage is a fake that needs to be over with­out a party. — Sick­ened By Her Party Plans, Win­nipeg

Dear Sick­ened: You want per­mis­sion to wait for the months it takes to shift your money or what­ever it is you’re do­ing? You won’t get it from me. Tell your wife the truth: you don’t want to par­tic­i­pate in a 25th an­niver­sary party be­cause the mar­riage is in bad shape and it would be false to celebrate it that way. And tell her you are leav­ing — she de­serves to know this mar­riage is near the end. It will be up­set­ting enough to break up with­out hav­ing to shock her af­ter a big bash. Pre­tend­ing to give her this one last party as some sort of “favour” would be too cruel.

As for coun­selling, it’s a good way to end things on a less bit­ter note and re­main civil for any kids or grand­chil­dren you may have.

MAU­REEN SCUR­FIELD

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