Thinking about NYE kisses driving her bananas
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I want to go out to this old-fashioned 1950s New Year’s Eve party our friends are having, but I don’t want to kiss anybody at midnight except my boyfriend. We’re both 21. I’ve asked my boyfriend to go home with me and be in bed at 11:45 p.m. “making hot monkey love” as the year turns to 2016. He said, “No way, and miss all the fun? I’m not falling for that dodge.” What should I do? — Nervous About Midnight, Fort Garry
Dear Nervous: The choice is to go with him and stake your claim on his lips at midnight, or send him off alone to that party while you stay home and worry. Hmm. I think you’d best go with him and nail down his kissy lips for five minutes at midnight. If he insists on kissing another woman or two, pick the second and third best guys for you, for a little peck of your own. Beyond that, make a fuss. Enough is enough.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a great boyfriend: he takes me everywhere, is great in bed, likes my mom and dad and wants to have kids one day. Perfect!
Until the other day, I thought it was OK to have a girlfriend as well. I have a longtime best friend, and sometimes we sleep together and make out. Big deal. You can’t get pregnant from it. It’s more about affection and loving each other than sex and romance. We’re not romantic at all. I happened to mention staying at her place overnight and sleeping in the same bed “where she always hogs the covers.”
He got suspicious and asked what we do in bed besides sleep. I joked, “I practise up for seeing you!” He was not amused. In fact — and I can still hardly believe this — he had tears in his eyes. Then he got in his truck, and gunned it down the road. The next day I finally got through to him. He asked why I didn’t tell him I was bisexual. I said, “Because I’m not. She’s not my lover, you are!”
How do I get it through his thick head that I love him and him only in the romantic way? But she and I have been best friends for so many years. We know each other’s lives, in detail. We started making out in junior high to get practice kissing with boyfriends in the future, and it went from there. How can I get him to stop making such a big deal out of this? The last thing he said was, “And when will she be gone — never?” I just looked at him and said, “There’s no need to make me choose. She will have her own guy too, one day.”
I don’t understand why he’s so deeply upset with me that he’s talking about breaking up unless she’s gone. Please help! He’s my ideal man and she’s my closest friend. — All Messed Up, East Winnipeg
Dear All Messed Up: First, it would be good to get clear about your sexuality. You enjoy sex with both sexes, although it may just extend to this one girlfriend in your whole life, but he isn’t OK with you being with other people, even a woman. He may end it with you over this.
The next time you get together with a potential boyfriend, you need to tell him you occasionally sleep with an old girlfriend. Lots of guys would find this idea titillating, even if they’re never going to be invited into the bed. That’s the kind of guy you need.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I overeat, especially with a freezer full of baking and stuff my mother — a fantastic cook — stocks in there. Our whole family — three girls and our mom — are all totally fat, not just “pleasingly plump,” as my mom says. Between us we could make another person.
I decided I wanted to start dating instead of pigging out and playing board games and stuff with my sisters. I went on a healthy diet and now I’m starting to have a body — a little exercise to tighten it up and I’m going to look hot by Valentine’s Day.
So what do you think has happened? The rest of the family started tempting me by baking brownies, deluxe nachos, chocolate-chunk cookies — all my favourites — and laying them out there beside me on the playing table. Finally I screamed, “Why do you want me to fail?” and they said, “We don’t, but why should we go without treats because you want to be a skinny minnie?” I feel like I have to move out now, like I’m not part of the Chub Club. Either I let them sabotage me or I lose the closeness. — Don’t Want Bad Temptation, West End
Dear Don’t Want Temptation: Two can play this game. Why don’t you try to convert one of your sisters and get her to start getting fit in the new year. Or your mother. Get your mom working out with you and you’ve disabled the major baker. Get get her making some low-calorie substitutes as treats. If they’re as tasty as the other stuff, you might be able get the whole gang interested.
It’s not fun to be so overweight you miss out on having a regular social and dating life. You don’t have to be a skinny minnie, but you do have to be reasonably fit for dating and for your general health.
As for moving out, how old are you now? Most girls in the city move out when they’re in their early to mid-20s. You might consider it, not as a way to get rid of your sisters, but it may be time to expand your friendships and avoid so much temptation.
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