Grown kids waiting for money that’s already been spent
DMISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m an older woman with a younger boyfriend. For the first four months we didn’t go out together in public, but now we do. The sniggering stopped after my guy met and talked with my friends and their husbands. My grown kids are a different situation. I have a fair amount of money and my 40-somethings don’t want it to go elsewhere when I die except their bank accounts. I’m not sick, but I’m not super-healthy either. People in my family often die well before they’ve lost their minds.
The kids don’t realize I already spent a lot of my money and there’s only my pension and the house left. Should I tell them that? Why should I have to lower myself to that? — Golden Girl With Great Boyfriend, River Heights
Dear Golden Girl: Don’t tell anybody anything. You could jokingly say, “My money’s almost all gone, and when it’s finished, I’m coming over to live at your houses. I might come sooner if you scare this lovely man away. Then you can look after me.”
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met this babe coming out of my workplace. We work at different companies on different floors. I asked her out for lunch next week and she turned me down because we work too close together. How far away do we have to be? As a joke, I said, “That’s easy — I’ll quit my job!” and she said, “That’s funny. You’re a cute one, with a smart mouth,” and walked away.
Do you think she has a boyfriend? I’m the nicest guy she’ll ever meet. Just ask my ex-girlfriend who works in the same office as I do. When we were dating, we would have killed for this much distance and privacy. Now we’ve broken up, but we’re still civil to each other. Like I said, I’m a nice guy, not a Neanderthal. How do I convince this gorgeous new babe of that? — Must Be a Way, the Maples
Dear Must Be a Way: Unless she’s seeing someone else, you’ll find a way. You’re funny, and women like funny! Just don’t hit on her every time you see her. It’s important to give her enough space to wonder why you’re not attracted anymore, and then she may start moving your way. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I felt an urgent need to write in regarding the woman who’s with a man’s man in Transcona. I have one thing to say to her: run as fast as you can because it’s not going to get any better!
I married a Transcona man who is exactly like her husband, and trust me when I say this: he loves his friends more than he loves her. It’s an arrogant, rampant, unbelievably weird disease that most men in Transcona have. God forbid they ever have children, because she’ll be stuck at home with the baby while he is out partying with his friends. I see this time and time again in the neighbourhood. She needs to know that she needs to get her own life and stop being such a friggin’ doormat because it ain’t gonna get any better! — Not a Doormat Wife, Transcona
Dear Not a Doormat: Transcona is not the problem, as I get letters about women who live with a “man’s man” from all over. These men truly prefer the company of their buddies, especially once heterosexual couples start living together, or get married. Some of them love their wives a lot, but the need to be with the guys is a “pack” thing for this type of man.
The wife, in his mind, is better suited to doing most of the housework and most of the early child-rearing, even if she’s working full time. The man whistles off to work, then heads out for drinks a couple of times a week and also to watch sports at the bar with the guys. Then there are the weightlifting dates, ice fishing, hockey, poker parties and, on occasion, appreciating the peelers who work so hard to entertain. That takes up a lot of time, doncha know? It does leave time for 20 minutes of sex after the news, which oddly enough, the wives don’t seem to want. Ungrateful!
So how do these macho guys get girlfriends, live-in partners and wives so readily? Lots of them are fun-oriented, which is great when chasing women and dating them. Macho men are also physical and sexual, and some of them, especially if they work in blue-collar jobs, are fit, muscular and hot-looking before the beer belly arrives.
But if a woman wants to settle down and have a family and an attentive husband, she should avoid the man’s man, no matter how good he looks coming out of the shower. Somebody needs to teach her that, but who? Her mom? And would she listen anyway?
Interestingly, these guys are usually quite happy to marry and make babies (“Look what I produced!”). They just don’t want the pesky work of the house and yard, diapering or staying at home to talk, talk, talk with the wife. Once the kids get old enough to start doing the things dad likes to do, the man’s man starts having fun with the kids, as kids are adventurous, fun-loving and silly, too. Then it’s mom who has to stop being such a drag. So, Not a Doormat Wife, are you still with your macho man? How did you tame him, or is he still running wild with his buddies? Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg,
MB, R2X 3B6