Apologize for leading her on and say goodbye
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I thought I loved this woman I was seeing since New Year’s, but now I think I’m over the hump and going down the other side. Unfortunately, I told her at the beginning of the summer I was falling in love with her and we should think about putting a ring on it. It was just a feeling I had, but she was really excited and told everyone. Her birthday is coming up in September and now I don’t feel like buying her a diamond. Last weekend she tried to drag me into a fancy jewellery store to look at rings and I made excuses about money and stuff. “But you said...” was all I heard her say before she started sniffling. We didn’t make love all weekend because she was being cold to me. That’s the part I still liked best about our relationship — the sex. Should I break up with her? — Not Ready For Marriage, Winnipeg
Dear Not Ready: Whatever age you are, you’re way too young to get married. If sex is the part that’s still working and you’ve cooled off on her personality, it’s time to apologize for leading her on, and say goodbye. It’s not fair to hang around the sex — even if she tries to hang onto you. For you, this relationship was an infatuation, not lasting love, and you spoke too soon about engagement. Apologize for your immaturity and your fickle feelings. Tell her you think she’s a great person and will end up married to a much more suitable man. You, alas, are still too much of a boy. Use that word. It will help to turn her off.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The wall between our kitchen and the neighbours’ is very thin. If I sit down with my wife for dinner in the kitchen we can hear their conversation on the other side. This evening the conversation was about a couple in the block and the messy way they leave their garbage out. At first, we didn’t know it was us — the two people they called “Lardass and Whiny.” I am a man of considerable girth and wife does have a high nasal voice. As soon as we started to recognize details of the garbage issue. I rapped sharply on the wall and they burst into laughter. They laughed and laughed. We want to get them back. What can we do? — P-Oh’d, Elmwood.
Dear P-Oh’d: Come up with nicknames for them and conduct a similar conversation on your side of the wall during dinner — though nothing too mean. This might shut them up. If the four of you develop a sense of humour over this, it could even end up being a running gag. But, don’t count on it. It would be safest to let them hear you do it once, and (hopefully) have them rap on the wall, and leave it at that.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m currently incarcerated and just turned 19. I’m going to be here a while and I’ve been seeing this girl for the past three years. I thought she was head over heels for me. We did everything together, and she did anything for me, as I for her. The memories were unforgettable and we’ve been through hell together. Then one day I called, and a man answered. I asked him who he was, and he said, “I’m the frickin boss!” Then he hung up. I was devastated! After that I lost interest in phone calls. Should I call back and ask who that “boss” guy was? Or, should I forget and move on? I really wouldn’t want to lose her but this guy might make her lose her feelings for me. — Mr. Ridge, Manitoba
Dear Mr. Ridge: Clearly you don’t need another phone call to that guy, if he’s living there. Since you need to talk to your girlfriend privately, ask a friend who’ll set it up and see what you can work out. Having said that, she may want to be free. She didn’t commit a crime and deserve punishment. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship, and she may need another relationship, at least for now. She’s not going to forget you — great loves don’t come along very often in life. Besides this guy, who calls himself ‘the boss,’ is feeling pretty insecure about her to use that term. Can you finally make a plan to straighten out — to get yourself out of jail and working, or creating a legal business away from old friends? Obviously, you want to have a nice woman and a deep relationship. You have to prepare to make a situation where that can happen.