New man likely has an­other stop along bus route

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ARTS & LIFE - MAUREEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a man at the bus stop. He was very nice, and it came out in con­ver­sa­tion on the bus that we were both not do­ing any­thing im­por­tant that af­ter­noon. Nei­ther of us asked any em­bar­rass­ing ques­tions about be­ing sin­gle or not, and I asked him if he’d like to get off at my stop and have a cof­fee with me at the Tim Hor­tons on my cor­ner. Af­ter cof­fee, I in­vited him to my nearby apart­ment to give him a book I’d been talk­ing about. We no sooner got in the apart­ment than he kissed me up against the dish­washer. I kissed him back hard. It had been three years since I had a lover! Well, one thing led to an­other and now I have a boyfriend, sort of. He has been back about six or seven times and I still don’t know if he’s mar­ried. Should I ask? — Don’t Want To Lose Him, West End

Dear Don’t Want to Lose: If he hasn’t men­tioned any­thing about be­ing sin­gle, and you have never been asked to his place, there’s a chance he has a wife or girl­friend stashed at the other end of the bus line. How many more times do you ex­pect this can hap­pen be­fore you fall for him emo­tion­ally and get hurt? It’s time you asked him about his sit­u­a­tion. You might not like the an­swer, but you need to know. If he’s mar­ried, or has a girl­friend, you need to stop see­ing him. But, con­sider this a mes­sage from your heart and your body that you need to find a new man. You’re ready — that’s what this is telling you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been un­fairly per­se­cuted for a long time by fam­ily mem­bers about a silly is­sue of money mo­ti­vated by their greed. As well as the ter­ri­ble stress this has caused my part­ner and me, it has now taken a toll on our sex life. For, me sex has been al­most im­pos­si­ble, as I can feel so lit­tle joy. For him, it’s not so bad but cer­tainly the fun fac­tor is miss­ing. Yet I do not want this bad fam­ily sit­u­a­tion to win out. We are able, when we go away for a week­end, to re­gain some fun in sex, but I dread the thought of sex in our own bed­room, which is syn­ony­mous with un­hap­pi­ness. I am afraid of adopt­ing a non-ex­is­tent sex life. Is there any so­lu­tion other than time? — Feel­ing Joy­less, St. Boni­face

Dear Joy­less: In the short run, it’s time for morn­ing sex in the shower, be­fore the dark thoughts can show up. Fre­quency of sex, even just quick­ies, tends to keep cou­ples bound to­gether and feel­ing sig­nif­i­cantly hap­pier. They don’t think their re­la­tion­ship is in trou­ble, and can sep­a­rate it from fam­ily troubles. You re­ally don’t need to have sex in the mar­riage bed in the same room that makes you start think­ing about probkems. In the long run, you might want to sur­prise your mate by paint­ing even one wall and chang­ing the fur­ni­ture around so you are cat­a­pulted out of the “scene” that de­presses you. In the long run, you need to di­vest your­self of the vic­tim role, and de­value the opin­ions of peo­ple who are be­ing nasty and greedy. With coun­selling they can mat­ter to you less, and you can re­place cer­tain fam­ily mem­bers (for a time at least ) with strength­ened friend­ships.

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