This just in: Your guy’s a liar and a cheater

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN S.URFITLS

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: My com­mon-law hus­band of 23 years had an af­fair two sum­mers ago. I kicked him out im­me­di­ately. In Fe­bru­ary, I al­lowed him back home to work things out. He promised me he would never see this woman again. She’s had plenty of af­fairs and has bro­ken up more than one mar­riage. She has quite the rep­u­ta­tion for prey­ing on mar­ried men. Gut in­stincts are telling me he’s see­ing her again, and those in­stincts are how I caught him in the first place. This past Satur­day, he told me he was go­ing to a stag for a co-worker’s brother and needed me to get his dress pants ready to go. The story kept chang­ing, First he was get­ting picked up at home, then he was get­ting dropped off — sup­posed to go at 6:30 p.m, but took off in a rush at 4:30 p.m. I knew some­thing was up. At 11:30 p.m. I called his co-worker on his cell and was go­ing to ask to speak to my hus­band to see if he needed a des­ig­nated driver to get home. Well, he an­swered think­ing it was my hus­band, and asked him why he hasn’t shown up yet! My hus­band showed up at home at 4 a.m. I asked him how the stag was and he said, “Great!” He had that look on his face I have come to know well — the ly­ing-be­cause-he’s-cheat­ing look. I found out to­day the woman he had an af­fair with had her work Xmas party on Satur­day, and that is why he needed to dress up. He in­sists he was at the stag, but I found out first-hand he wasn’t. I love this man dearly, but I can­not tol­er­ate his ex­tra­mar­i­tal af­fair. What can I do? — Still Love Him, Win­nipeg

Dear Still Love Him: It sounds like you want to stay with him, but this is twice now and he has cre­ated, all on his own, an open re­la­tion­ship with you. If you want to stay and want equal­ity, you need to work out a sit­u­a­tion where you can step out and see some­one else too, if you want to. Does that ap­peal to you? If it doesn’t, your other two choices are to stay and suf­fer, or leave and suf­fer — at least for a time, since you say you still “love him dearly.” What ex­actly do you love about him? This man is a liar and a cheater and only sorry when he gets caught. In fact, he thought he’d learned how to hide bet­ter — un­til this stag/Christ­mas party ruse. Doesn’t the fact he had you get his clothes ready to go out with her drive you crazy? What does it take to make you mad? Coun­selling is def­i­nitely in or­der — more for you than for him. He is who he is!

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: I found a box of stuff hid­den in the base­ment I didn’t rec­og­nize so I took a look. It was wrapped in Christ­mas pa­per — a present from my hus­band and yes, I snooped. The out­fit, if you could call it that, was made of PVC. You know, that kind of patent leath­ery ma­te­rial. It was a Cat­woman suit. I don’t want any Cat­woman suit. He would know that about me. So who is it for? Is it for him as fetish wear when I’m not around, and wrapped to look like Christ­mas gift so I wouldn’t look? Or is it to give to some other woman who would wear it for him? Then why would he leave it in the base­ment? It is brand new — never been worn, came from on­line, I think. I cov­ered it up again, and now it’s like an elephant sit­ting down there un­der a blan­ket. I think about it all the time. What should I do? — Go­ing Out of My Mind, Win­nipeg

Dear Go­ing: Take the box up­stairs, put it on the kitchen ta­ble and just say, “What is this all about?’ You don’t have to fill in the awk­ward si­lence. Just wait. Don’t in­ter­rupt. Watch his face the whole time. If he’s not talk­ing af­ter five min­utes, play “Guess” with him — “Is it this? Is it that? Is this Cat­woman cos­tume meant for me? For you? Or some­one else?” and watch care­fully. When there’s an in­vol­un­tary jerk­ing of some part of his body, you will usu­ally know you have hit on the an­swer. You may want to go on­line and read the some of the many lists of ways you can tell when a per­son is ly­ing such as open­ing their eyes too wide to try to look in­no­cent, scratch­ing their noses be­cause the nose be­comes itchy in stress­ful sit­u­a­tions. You need to know what’s go­ing on and he is the only one who can tell you.

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