Your boyfriend de­serves the truth about your girl­friend

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ARTS & LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: I love my boyfriend, but I love my new girl­friend even more. She knows about him, but he doesn’t know about her. She and I are al­ways to­gether and he knows we have sleep­overs but he has NO idea what hap­pens when we do. I feel guilty, but I’m not sure if it’s nec­es­sary to tell him. He thinks girl-on-girl porn movies are a turnon, so maybe this would not a threat. I am “in love” with her and I “love” him be­cause we have been to­gether all through univer­sity and he and I are like com­fort­able old boots. She’s is the spiked heel in my life, if you’ll par­don a lame metaphor. She thinks I should tell him, but I’m not sure it’s nec­es­sary. Why not leave things the way they are? — Happy This Way, S. Win­nipeg

Dear Happy: Why should you change any­thing when you’ve got it all? This sit­u­a­tion is all about you, the way you’re see­ing it right now. But what does your man really have? He doesn’t have your heart or your loy­alty any­more. The girl-on-girl thing is fine in a fan­tasy for him, but you and she are in­volved in a two-way love af­fair — noth­ing like what he imag­ines. In fact, he’d have no idea how un­wanted he would be if he burst into the bed­room with three glasses of cham­pagne, wear­ing noth­ing but a big grin. Af­ter all th­ese years with him, he really de­serves to be told the truth. It comes down to this — you are full-out cheat­ing on him, whether it’s with a male or fe­male. He’s just a friend to you now, and you might still mean the whole world to him. It’s time to let him go, so he can be free to find a woman who’s “in love” with him. And what about the girl­friend you claim to be “in love” with? No doubt she needs to have you to her­self by now. Or would that be too much of a sac­ri­fice to you? Thought so.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: I took my hus­band’s clothes out and burned them in a big bar­rel in the back­yard. We live in the coun­try on the edge of a town and no­body com­plains about such things. Why? I’m so ashamed of how he treated me! That jerk came home from his sup­posed work-re­lated trip with a tan and a bunch of re­hearsed lies about how his boss took him on a last-minute de­tour trip on busi­ness in Mex­ico City. But I heard from peo­ple who had seen him at an air­port in the United States that he was head­ing to the Caribbean with a woman, who was all over him. He says he’s “aw­ful sorry.” Miss Lone­ly­hearts, I want to make him pay for a long, long time! I’m 28 and we’ve been mar­ried three years, no kids, and I have a whole life­time left to tor­ture him. Any sug­ges­tions? — Gut is Full of Fire, Out­side Win­nipeg

Dear Gut­ful: You want to make him pay, but you don’t want to make him leave? Bad idea! Granted, love doesn’t just dis­ap­pear in a week, but it does drain away af­ter a be­trayal like this, and it’s very painful as the acid drips out. You’re at the anger stage and he’s bleat­ing away that he’s sorry — which makes you feel stronger for a bit. But, a very deep hurt is about to set in. In­volv­ing your­self in a life­time of re­venge de­signed to make him grovel will only make an emo­tional wreck out of you — and he would leave shortly any­way. You have no trust left now, and your whole life is about to be tied up with sus­pi­cions, anger and bit­ter­ness. You have no chil­dren and you’re only 28. Mar­riage is clearly not what this guy wants. Why would you stay? See a coun­sel­lor for a few months to work out your rag­ing emo­tions, cut him loose, and get your­self emo­tion­ally healthy again so one day you can find a love part­ner you can really trust.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: I’m really shocked to find out my girl­friend of 1.5 years has a shady past. Although it was a long time ago, she went to jail for em­bez­zling big time. I am al­ready hooked on her emo­tion­ally and sex­u­ally and she didn’t re­veal this to me. Some­one else had to tell me. I con­tacted her im­me­di­ately, and then she told me her story. I had been won­der­ing why she was averse to travel, and now she tells me she’s afraid of be­ing turned back at bor­ders, be­cause of her past. When I asked her why she did it, she said she was an­gry at the com­pany that used and abused her and paid her next to noth­ing for all her ex­tra work she did for them. When I asked her why she didn’t look for a bet­ter-paying job and quit, she just shrugged and said. “I was young and stupid, and thought I had turned it into a bet­ter-paying job.” Then she said, very se­ri­ously, “I learned my les­son.” She swears she has never been in trou­ble since. Still, I worry. I have a lot of money and her last boyfriend had a lot of money. Is this a theme in her life? Go where the money is? She likes nice things and she has an apart­ment with fur­ni­ture that would knock your eyes out. Her job doesn’t lend it­self to that kind of money. I won­der if her pre­vi­ous boyfriend paid for it, and in my dark­est thoughts, I won­der if she was a kept woman, or worse. Am I over-re­act­ing? If I ask her “Where did you get the fur­ni­ture on your salary?” she will think I am point­ing the fin­ger. Maybe she worked hard for it and got it le­git­i­mately, but she lies by omis­sion, so how would I ever know? Should I stay or go? — Down­town Ac­coun­tant, Win­nipeg

Dear Down­town: As an ac­coun­tant, you would be more sen­si­tive to this kind of crime and suf­fer more if any­thing hap­pened in your per­sonal life to con­nect you to fi­nan­cial dis­hon­esty. Clearly, this is not the right girl­friend for you. Doubt has crept in about ev­ery­thing else she has told or not told you. No one can blame you for not know­ing. This is not some­thing you would ever think to ask about. When peo­ple get to a cer­tain age, they all have a past and bag­gage, and some of it they may not be proud of. But, this kind of past is sim­ply the type you can’t af­ford to have as part of your life, or your ca­reer and your own money and prop­erty could be in jeop­ardy.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.