Make sure you get im­me­di­ate help for de­pres­sion

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ARTS & LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: I’m strug­gling to get over my ex fi­ancé. We broke up in June be­cause I thought I cheated. Tech­ni­cally I did, but I was drugged and I only re­cently found out about it. I thought I just blacked out from al­co­hol, but ap­par­ently there was more to it. He’s ap­par­ently moved on, has a new girl­friend that he’s in­tro­duced to his fam­ily, and spent Christ­mas with. It’s a lit­tle soon, isn’t it? I’m dy­ing a very slow and painful death in­side. I have thought of buy­ing a gun and killing my­self. I love him. I hate that he’s al­ready dat­ing. I’ve been try­ing des­per­ately to move on. Think­ing, if he’s got a girl­friend, why can’t I get a boyfriend? He ig­nores all my mes­sages, blocked me on Face­book and I can’t date. All I see is his face. I lie awake at night wish­ing for death. I don’t want to live. Why is he do­ing this to me? I thought he loved me. Why would he pro­pose if he’s so happy with some­one else? I can’t go on liv­ing like this. — At The Bot­tom, Win­nipeg

Dear At The Bot­tom: I am sorry you are feel­ing so up­set and se­ri­ously de­pressed. Be­cause you’re feel­ing sui­ci­dal, you need to go di­rectly to a hospi­tal emer­gency de­part­ment. Don’t soft-pedal the rea­son why to the nurse you first see. Tell the whole truth about your state, even de­tails like the gun. Be pre­pared to sit for a while, as that’s re­al­ity in Win­nipeg. Bring food and drink and books of your own and pos­si­bly a close friend or rel­a­tive, if pos­si­ble. You may pre­fer to be alone, but you must hang in there un­til you can see a psy­chi­a­trist who can look af­ter you. Don’t sit there drink­ing cof­fee af­ter cof­fee with no food and get­ting more and more hun­gry and up­set. Why go to emer­gency and not a walk-in or your own physi­cian? Be­cause they have psy­chi­a­trists and psy­chi­atric res­i­dent doc­tors on staff at hos­pi­tals. In a sui­ci­dal state you may need hos­pi­tal­iza­tion or anti-de­pres­sants that kick in fast. Then you need on­go­ing help set up to get past this heart­break and to build you up, so no other heart­break can dev­as­tate the core be­ing that is you. Your goal is to never again be a per­son who thinks she has to be at­tached to an­other to feel like liv­ing. The sui­cide preven­tion line at Klinic (a cri­sis line which also deals with peo­ple who are down but not con­sid­er­ing sui­cide) is open 24/7 at 786-8686. If they are busy, keep call­ing back. They also of­fer free walk-in coun­selling; call 204-784-4067 for hours. (545 Broad­way on Mon­day and Wed­nes­day noon to 7 p.m. and Tues­day, Fri­day and Satur­day noon to four. Transcona lo­ca­tion at 845 Re­gent Ave West. is open Tues­day noon to 7 p.m.)

As for per­sonal ad­vice — when a per­son has moved onto an­other, this re­la­tion­ship is fin­ished and was not meant to be in this go-round on Earth. It’s a myth that are is only one soul mate on this planet for each of us. To­tally un­true! There are many. Any­where else we choose to move (where there are enough peo­ple) there are more pos­si­ble mates. But, you need to get your mo­tor run­ning again in or­der to at­tract a new per­son. You need to be in healthy shape — body, mind and soul — for a healthy re­la­tion­ship. Than means you need months of coun­selling and re­lax­ing time with friends more than you need dat­ing of any kind. Be clear: you don’t need this par­tic­u­lar guy back, but you may want to find a guy who is sim­i­lar to him when you are ready. And, it is clear you need help with the al­co­hol prob­lem. Call the Ad­dic­tions Foun­da­tion of Man­i­toba (944-6200) for an as­sess­ment of your drink­ing. As for the mar­riage pro­posal that con­fuses you, it was made at a time be­fore there was trou­ble and heart­break. Re­mem­ber this for next time: Love is not a rock, it’s a plant. When a plant is fin­ished, you have to start with a tiny new one and grow it and be very care­ful with it, even as it gets stronger.

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