Give him a chance to get wild with you

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ENTERTAINMENT - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: I miss wild, an­i­mal sex with my ex-hus­band, even though my new boyfriend is tech­ni­cally good at get­ting the deed done. My hus­band and I had a lion-andtiger re­ac­tion to each other, and he could never get enough. Un­for­tu­nately, I had to go to work eight hours a day to pay for ev­ery­thing so he used those eight hours to sneak all over town mak­ing up the so-called sex deficit. I just don’t know how to get this jun­gle feel­ing hap­pen­ing with my boyfriend. He’s a great guy, but he’s just not the an­i­mal type. Can I change him? — Tiger Needs a Growler, St. Vi­tal

Dear Tiger: Give him a chance! In­tro­duce him to your kind of wild sex. If he freaks out and runs away with his tail be­tween his legs, you need to find a new guy who is nat­u­rally an­i­mal­is­tic. Nice guys who are bad boys in the sack are more plen­ti­ful than you think, so don’t feel you have to give up on find­ing a guy who will be kind, a wage-earner and faith­ful while still be­ing what you want, when you kick the bed­room door shut and turn on the jun­gle mu­sic.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: Is it nor­mal to feel this way? Lately, I’ve started to feel really vul­ner­a­ble. I’m cur­rently dat­ing the most amaz­ing woman I can imag­ine be­ing with. I used to see her around all the time, but never had the courage to talk to her. When we fi­nally did start talk­ing a few months ago, we hit it off right away. Ever since, we’ve been in a re­la­tion­ship, and its started to get really in­tense. I think I re­al­ize now that it was love at first sight. I know she feels the same way be­cause we talk about it all the time. — Feel­ing Vul­ner­a­ble, Win­nipeg

Dear Vul­ner­a­ble: What you’re feel­ing is per­fectly nor­mal. It’s like sud­denly hav­ing some­one put a mil­lion dol­lars in one’s hand. The first re­ac­tion is ju­bi­la­tion, and the sec­ond is fear! “Now that I have it, what if I lose it or some­one steals it?” The best ap­proach to this is to keep calm and carry on. There’s no sense ex­press­ing in­se­cu­ri­ties to your lady. That will not make her feel bet­ter or love you more. Just know that ev­ery­body feels the way you do — even cou­ples who have just had a baby are ter­ri­fied it might sud­denly die. But, they can’t af­ford to fal­ter, or shut down. In­spire con­fi­dence in your girl­friend and your­self by fak­ing it bravely, and blast­ing through to the next stage — con­fi­dence in your love. You may want to “put a ring on it” some­time, as it will make you both feel more se­cure, but don’t rush it, as you are barely through the “choco­late mousse” stage when ev­ery­thing seems sweet and per­fect.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: This is my ad­vice to the lady who wants to marry the guy with creepy pets. DUMP HIM! AND DUMP HIM NOW! What kind of sick freak likes hav­ing snakes, rats and spi­ders as pets? I’ve met a few weirdos like that and they all have had a screw loose, and I be­lieved that even be­fore I knew they had such dis­gust­ing types of pets. They have some kind of deep-rooted per­son­al­ity dis­or­der. He ob­vi­ously won’t give up his so-called “pets” and she ob­vi­ously feels un­com­fort­able liv­ing amongst ver­min, as most sane peo­ple would. So, this is an aw­ful mix, right from the start. She should not walk, but RUN away as fast as she can from this wingnut. — Just My Two Cents Worth, Transcona

Dear Two Cents: Not ev­ery hu­man who likes ex­otic pets is weird, but they are best matched to each other in a re­la­tion­ship. It’s hard for a cud­dly dog lover to un­der­stand a tickly taran­tula lover.

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