Time to open your eyes: there’s more to hubby’s lies


DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: My hus­band of three years has just con­fessed an in­fi­delity. I was hav­ing a com­plete phys­i­cal and my doc­tor had rea­son to test me for chlamy­dia and gon­or­rhea. The test was neg­a­tive, thank­fully, but be­fore I knew the re­sults I asked my hus­band if he’d been in­ti­mate with any­one else. About 14 months ago he took a trip to Ve­gas with a sin­gle guy friend. They met women and one thing lead to an­other af­ter an evening of drink­ing. He said he did not have sex with this woman. We have a two-year-old son; if it weren’t for him, I’d be gone! My hus­band is dev­as­tated from hid­ing this for so long and says he will do any­thing to fix it. This isn’t the first time he’s lied to me, but as far as I know it’s the first time he’s cheated. He has been suf­fer­ing from anx­i­ety and mild de­pres­sion be­cause of this lie. Now that he’s con­fessed I al­most feel re­lieved be­cause I know what’s been caus­ing th­ese men­tal-health is­sues. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to be lied to any more. — Stay or Go? Win­nipeg

Dear Stay Or Go: Is your hus­band not happy be­ing mar­ried with a wife and child? A youngish man with bal­land-chain syn­drome? Let’s get your eyes wide open: Why would a mar­ried guy need to go on a wild trip to Ve­gas with a sin­gle buddy? And who tipped your doc­tor off you needed test­ing — your hus­band? It seems you can’t let go emo­tion­ally, so in­sist on mar­riage coun­selling while you still have him will­ing to do any­thing to keep you. Work on get­ting all truths out on the ta­ble — the fishy older lies never quite re­solved and the new set waft­ing from Ne­vada. What hap­pened in Ve­gas may have stayed in Ve­gas. Find out through coun­selling if he can learn to tell the truth con­sis­tently and be happy in a mar­riage.

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: In re­sponse to your ad­vice to a 70-yearold woman to have her 88-year-old boyfriend ren­o­vate and move into her home, please re­mind folks to seek le­gal ad­vice be­fore mak­ing such de­ci­sions. In this case, hav­ing the gen­tle­man ren­o­vate part of her home and move into it could cre­ate le­gal rights for him. Be­fore you tell her to “go for it,” she should also know whether she has to share in the value of her home on sep­a­ra­tion or death, the right to de­ter­mine who in­her­its her prop­erty, and whether she can use the eq­uity in her home as she sees fit. I whole­heart­edly sup­port her en­joy­ing this new re­la­tion­ship, but she should pro­tect her rights or choose not to, af­ter mak­ing an in­formed de­ci­sion. I’ve had too many older folks come to my of­fice af­ter the fact, re­gret­ting de­ci­sions such as th­ese. — Your Friendly Anony­mous Fam­ily Law Lawyer

Dear Lawyer: You make ex­cel­lent points. But let me add she should qui­etly see her own lawyer, not the one she shares with her kids who are in line for the in­her­i­tances. I have seen too many older sweet­hearts liv­ing apart for years on other peo­ple’s ad­vice, in an ef­fort to pro­tect the money that will go to their old chil­dren — of­ten past the 50-year mark! Mostly it’s the fu­ture re­cip­i­ents and their lawyers who do the coun­selling.

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