You’re drawn to the pres­tige, not the per­son

Winnipeg Free Press - Section G - - ARTS & LIFE - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD

DEAR MISS LONE­LY­HEARTS: I just ran into an old boyfriend in St. Vi­tal Cen­tre. I got rid of him 10 years ago when we were in our 20s be­cause he was so im­ma­ture and just a blue-col­lar worker. Imag­ine my sur­prise when he told me he took my breakup lec­ture to heart, went back to school and be­came a doc­tor. When I got in my car and the shock worse off, I was find­ing my­self re-at­tracted to this man. That night I called his mom, got his num­ber and phoned him. He an­swered. I asked him if was sin­gle and he said yes. But when I asked him if he’d like to go out to din­ner, he said, “I told you that I took your breakup lec­ture to heart. What I didn’t tell you was that you broke my heart and I would never go out with you again. You only think I’m at­trac­tive now be­cause I’m suc­cess­ful.” Of all the nerve! That’s not true. I was at­tracted be­cause he is all that I thought he could be, and re­fused to be at the time. — Taken Aback, St. Vi­tal

Dear Taken Aback: It’s not com­pli­cated. He was mean be­cause you were mean to him and broke his heart. Peo­ple may get past painful burn­ings of the soul, but they re­mem­ber who burned them. As for his snarky doc­tor com­ment, he might be right. Doc­tors have a lot of pres­tige and you are turned on by pres­tige. What­ever he was do­ing as for work as a young man wasn’t im­pres­sive enough to keep you around. Why would he want you back in his life now to reap the ben­e­fits of his change in sta­tus? By the way, how much sta­tus have you achieved on your own?

Dear Miss Lone­ly­hearts: Re­gard­ing the let­ter about the lady stand­ing in the yard, peer­ing in the win­dow — although it may seem odd, we had a sim­i­lar in­ci­dent. We were out­side one sum­mer day, do­ing yard work, when a lady drove by, star­ing at the house. She stopped and told us that when she was lit­tle, she lived in our house and it was the hap­pi­est time of her life, be­fore they moved and things got bad be­tween her mom and dad, who even­tu­ally di­vorced. We in­vited her in­side to look around and she got all choked up. I think it gave her some kind of clo­sure. We never saw her again. That was a cou­ple of years ago. If the let­ter writer sees the lady again, I rec­om­mend she in­vite her in; I bet that would be the end of it. It may even be the end of it now that she peeked in­side. — Feel­ing For Her, Win­nipeg

Dear Feel­ing: Go­ing back into a house that once con­tained all your things and your pic­tures and your mem­o­ries feels strange when it is to­tally dif­fer­ent. When it is filled up with a whole dif­fer­ent “story,” it can give you clo­sure or it can give you a feel­ing of loss and sad­ness. Some­times it’s best not to go in. Hopefully, the old lady’s stolen peek through the win­dow gave her just enough to let her heart rest. She isn’t a dan­ger. It’s time for that new fam­ily to open those cur­tain again and carry on.

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